"Lights, Camera, Living Teddy Bears?"

Smiling Toy Shop story # 12

   Calm your a*s down, old man!  thought Jasper, the Living Teddy Bear.  Mr. Vesta was everywhere, talking a mile-a-minute, and driving him crazy.  He assumed that he was driving Denbo crazy also, but he really could give 2 s***s about that.  Denbo, who sat right next to him, was the only other living teddy bear, at least as far as he knew, and a bigger prick-bear there could never be.  Mr. Vesta was driving him crazy because today, in just a few minutes in fact, Miracle Advertising Agency was due to arrive, and begin filming a new commercial for the Smiling Toy Shop.  If he had to hear, “Do I look alright?  Does the shop look alright?  Is everything ready?” one more time, it would be way too much. 

     At last, Miracle had arrived, and Mr. Vesta had to concentrate on his lines, not worrying about everything else.

     “Okay, I think we’re ready to begin filming; do you remember your lines?  Are you ready?” said Philippe, the director.  There was just him and the cameraman. 

     I don’t know about him, but I’m more than ready; any more of having to listen to Vesta worrying about everything, and I’ll stick my left paw into this electrical outlet! thought Jasper. 

     “Yes, I believe so.”

     “Alright, lets try one” said Philippe.  “Ready, roll ‘em, Samson, and--action!”

     Samson?  though Jasper.  Oh, of course, that’s his last name.

     “Oh, by the way, since this is your first day, is it alright if I call you by your first name?”

     “Sure, either way; call me Sampson or Travers.”

     Oh!    

     Mr. Vesta was standing right in front of Jasper and Denbo’s shelf, and he started speaking.  “Hello, children; Did you ever wish there was a magical place where every possible toy you can imagine were all gathered in one shop?  Well, have your Mommy and Daddy take you to the Smiling Toy Shop.  You’ll find---“

     “Cut!” yelled Philippe.  “Look at the teddy bear behind you on the shelf,  It looks like his paw is grabbing his crotch.  Hardly the image for children.”

     Jasper was just innocently sitting there.  But he glanced out of the corner of his eye, and saw that, indeed, Denbo’s paw had dropped to groin level, and he appeared to be groping. 

     “Oh no; here, let me adjust his arm so that he won’t look like he’s groping himself,” said Mr. Vesta, who quickly walked over and did a quick adjustment of Denbo’s offending paw.  Then he walked back to the set, and Philippe said,

     “Okay, let’s try another one, and, ready?  Action!”

     “Hello, children; Did you ever wish there was a magical place where every possible toy you can imagine were all gathered in one shop?  Well, have your Mommy and Daddy take you to the Smiling To---“

     “Cut!  Now it looks like his whole paw is one big finger flipping the viewer off.”

     “What?” sputtered Mr. Vesta, who was clearly getting frustrated.  Once again, Jasper snuck a covert glance out of the corner of his eye at Denbo, and saw a leering Denbo sitting calmly on the ground, and was holding one arm by the elbow, while having his other was raised; extended.  It did look defiant. 

     “What the heck’s going on?” asked Mr. Vesta, who once again walked over and re-positioned Denbo.  Jasper was the only one who noticed a small smile on the face of Denbo.  Mr. Vesta once again walked back to the set, and once again Philippe, called,

     “Okay, places everyone,” even though Mr. Vesta was the only one in the commercial.  “And, action!”

     Mr. Vesta started once again, “Hello, children; Did you ever wish there was a magical place where every possible toy you can imagine were all gathered in one shop?  Well---“

     It was at this point Denbo started a soft shoe back and forth on the shelf behind Mr. Vesta.

     “This place is Freaksville, and I’m getting the hell out of here!” shouted a clearly-frightened Philippe.  Sampson dropped the camera, and it bounced off the ground with a loud bang.  The lens shattered, sending shards of glass sliding across the floor in all directions, and both he and Philippe ran for the door.  Before they’d taken 4 or 5 steps, Jasper yelled,

     “Mumbo-Jumbo!” and both they and Mr. Vesta slumped to the ground, fast asleep.  He turned to Denbo and glared, saying, “What the hell was that?”

     “S**t, if they’re going to be filming, I need to take advantage of it.  This could be my big break,” answered Denbo.

     “Your big break as what, you’re only a teddy bear.”

     Denbo turned a darker shade of brown, and snapped, “At first, I was hacked, but then I thought I could use this to my advantage; but you, you have to piss on a guy’s dreams!”

     Jasper replied, “With pleasure!” and started to lower his paws before remembering he didn’t have fingers, or a dick.  S**t, he thought.  If I had one, you’d be taking a piss shower right about now, you prick-bear!

     A groggy Mr. Vesta, Sampson, and Philippe slowly regained consciousness, and looked around them.  Unbeknownst to each of them, Jasper had planted a suggestion in their minds.

     “Wwwhhhaaattt happened?” Philippe slurred.

     “Yyyeeeaaahhh, what happened?” a dazed Sampson added.

     “I-I-I-I don’t recall,” answered Mr Vesta, who looked around him, in a vain attempt to remember.

     “Well,” said Philippe, “the more I think about it, the more I‘m thinking this commercial needs to be all cartoon, to sell to the kids.”

     “Well, you’re the director,” replied Mr. Vesta.

     “This is totally fucked up!” shouted a brown-in-the-face Denbo. 

     The director, the cameraman, and Mr. Vesta all gaped, and started to shout in fear, when Jasper once again yelled,

     “Mumbo-Jumbo!” and once again, all 3 humans slumped to the floor, fast asleep.       

     He shot an angry look at Denbo, who replied defensively,

     “What?  It is fucked up.  If it’s going to be all cartoon, I won’t be able to be in it.”

     Jasper just looked at him with disgust, and replied sarcastically, “Yeah, right; your dreaming you big hairy b*****d; now, sit motionless and keep that hole in your face closed.”

     Denbo started across the floor at him, then seemed to think better of it; he was getting weary of this game, and just wanted to have a little peace and quiet, where he could contemplate ways to get that teddy bear-b*****d staring at him now.  You WILL feel Denbo’s wrath, sooner or later! he thought, and he decided to cooperate, for now! 

     Mr. Vesta was sitting at his desk, relaxing with a coffee cup full of brandy.  The Smiling Toy Shop was closed and locked up, and he needed all the help he could get to unwind from that terribly-stressful day.  He had been, to tell the truth to himself, relieved when Philippe and Samson had left; after all, he was no actor.  He finished his brandy, and poured himself another. 

The End