New Project Backwards # 2

Another Steve Weaver time travel adventure!

     Where was he?  All around him, people were dining, so Steve, being rather perceptive, figured he was in some kind of restaurant.  But when?  Where?   In a time not his own, but this was the problem with time travel, one never knew where one would end up.  He remembered meeting Ebeneezer Woolydong, better known as John Wayne; he still had to laugh at the name that John Wayne might have used.  Now it was time to forget old

Ebeneezer, and figure out where TT (time travel) had sent him now.     

 

      He was gazing around him at the fancy styles of dress, so different from his own, and suddenly felt out of place, which he was, he supposed, when a man who looked vaguely familiar came up to his table, and said,

 

     “Sorry I’m late, but my tailor didn’t drop off my altered dinner jacket until about 20 minutes ago.  I don’t know what I pay him for; the blood sucker.”

 

      Steve still had no clue who this man was, so he played it close to the vest.  The man looked to be rather tall next to those around him; he guessed about 6-2.  He had a well-trimmed beard, and...before he could study the man’s appearance some more, the man sat opposite Steve and said,

 

     “I’m famished; writing the story of a vampire really takes it out of a guy.”

 

     Bram Stoker; Steve knew he’d seen that face before.  “Oh, so you’re hard at work on ‘Dracula” huh Bram?”

 

     “Who the f**k is Dracula?” Stoker answered, looking rather perplexed.

 

     “Oh, you know Bram, isn’t that the name of your vampire?”

 

     “I don’t know what you’ve been drinking, but there’s one thing I know for sure; you’d better stay a cigar maker, because you’d never make it in the writing business; Dracula, eh, ha, ha!”

 

     So Steve now knew what he was; apparently he made cigars.  Just then, a man came buy selling cigars.  “Pardon me, gentleman, but would you like to buy a cigar to enjoy after your meal?”

    

     Steve was just about to say no thanks, when Stoker spoke up, “Yes, I would like a couple of ‘Leisure Sucks’”

 

     Steve laughed out loud and said, ‘Leisure Suck’ Cigars?  Surely that can’t be the name, it’s terrible!”

 

     Stoker gave him a funny look, and said, “What a kidder you are; calling the name of his own brand of cigars terrible.”

 

     Oh oh: “Eh, ha, ha!” he should definitely keep his mouth shut, he thought.

 

       After the cigar salesman walked away, and Stoker had two ‘Leisure Suck’s’ in his shirt pocket, Steve tried to steer the conversation away from his mistake by asking Stoker what his name for Dracula was to be.

 

     “Oh, I was thinking something along the lines of Plazmoid, Count Plazmoid, although I’m not too sure yet.”

 

     Count Plazmoid?  It would be hard to think of a dumber name.  “I think you should give the name I suggested a chance; Dracula”

 

     “Give it up Steve, you may be known as The Suck King, but you couldn’t find a good name for a character if it was stuck to your a*s; Dracula!”

 

     “Oh yeah,” replied Steve angrily, “what kind of lame-a*s name is Plazmoid?”

 

     “Steve, can you please keep your voice down?  Customers are starting to stare.”

 

     “I’m sorry, Bram, but I won’t sit here and let you name probably the most well-known monster name ever Count Plazmoid; pathetic!”

 

    “How do you figure that?  I haven’t even finished it yet.”

 

     Oh s**t, thought Steve.  “Ah, that is to say I predict it will become incredibly well-known.”

 

     “I’ll make you a deal; if you’ll keep your voice down, and stop making a scene, I’ll mention ‘Dracula’ to my publisher.  If he likes it better than ‘Plazmoid’, that’s what it will be, now, do we have a deal?”

 

     Even though he thought Stoker was just saying he’d leave it up to his publisher to get him to shut up, and really couldn’t see how they would choose Dracula over Plazmoid, he figured he’d done as much as he could do.  “Deal, Bram.  I’m sorry if I got a little boisterous, but I am really convinced Dracula is the better name.”

 

     “Oh, well, you were just making your vote clear.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make a trip to the little boy’s water closet; I’ll be right back, and if the waiter comes, could you order me The Sautéed Ox’s head dinner, please?”

 

      Steve felt his stomach give a lurch, and replied, “Will do, Bram.”

 

     Stoker nodded a thanks and wandered off to find the ‘water closet’.  Steve watch him until he was out of site, then whispered, “Get me out of here!” and after a couple of seconds, his world faded to black. 

 

    

The End

    

 

    

 

     

Reviews

[A. H. Pinley]

His mistake by asking Stoker what his vampire "Dracula" was to be. I like the interaction, but I have one issue. You used water closet and some other words that would date this piece nicely, but some of the choice words in the conversation is before its time. That's just my feelings about it. Amusing never the less. Good work Michael!

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you; I'll admit, I wasn't faithful enough to the time-line. I was more focused on making it funny (I'll leave it up to you to see if I was successful in that).

[A. H. Pinley]

What would be funny is that your Weaver character continues to use modern language leaving Bram him about his mental state.

[Michael Stevens]

That would have been funny; that might be a good idea for a future story.