'Goiter Ointment for the Left Leg'

A fake ad for a new medicine!

By Mike Stevens

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     "Hi, Skip Over here to tell you about a revolutionary new amazing skin treatment that will render that open pit-mine growing like some sort of fungus of the damned, on your left leg.  Also available, 'Goiter Ointment For the Right Leg,' 'Goiter Ointment For the Left Arm,' 'Goiter Ointment For the Right Arm,' and 'Goiter Ointment For the Face.' 

 

     "Now hold on, you rip-off sons of b*****s!  How stupid do you think I am?" you ask.

 

     Do you really want us to answer that?  No, we didn't think so.  It may seem like the left leg ointment would work on the right leg, or the right and left arm, or the face, or...but there's where you'd be wrong.  See, each of our specialty ointments have been specially formulated by certified doctors, each focusing on one specific area of the body.  You wouldn't go to a podiatrist if your left arm was a throbbing mass of fire, would you?  No, you'd go to a doctor who specializes in left arm injuries.  The same holds true with our ointments.  So, you see, choosing the correct ointment is critical.  To help you choose the correct ointment, we've included this handy 'correctness' pamphlet.  The next time a painful goiter strikes, don't worry, 'we've got you covered!'"