Dear Winifred,; Dec. 28

Advice (NOT good!) column

 Warning; advice given is NOT politically correct!

 

    "Dear Winifred, lately my husband and I have been having an unwanted visitor to our car in the middle of the night; and different neighbors have reported seeing a stranger lurking around the neighborhood; and I have noticed smudges on our car door, near the handle, like someone is trying to steal it.  I called the police and they said all they can do is send extra patrols through our neighborhood and for me to put in a car alarm, but that is money we can't afford.  That doesn't leave us with a good safe feeling.  The fact that we've seen them patrolling exactly 0 times, what does extra mean; once?  I'm a basket case, unable to sleep with worry.  What else can we do?  Signed Always Vigilant."

 

 

     "Dear Always Vigilant, forget the police, what you need is a more permanent solution.  Because car thieves are more than likely hooked on drugs, put a baggie with flour and a prescription bottle saying 'codeine' on the label, in plain sight.  Simply remove the codeine and substitute horse tranquilizers.  They'll think they hit the mother load of thievery.  If they're like most drug addicts-car thieves, they'll be unable to resist the temptation of free prescription drugs, and won't wait until they're safely away in the stolen car; your  car, and will take 4 or 5 of the codeine-horse tranquilizers.  You're liable to find them slumped over the wheel in the morning.  Simply alert the police you have caught someone red-handed trying to steal your car.  Problem solved; Winifred."  

     

Reviews

[Ania L]

I like Winifred, she's a badass!

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks; I'll tell her you said so!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Well that is one way to deal with that problem and I must say those burglars deserve exactly what they get.Go winfred !!!!!! Just saying .

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much, Vidya!

[Vidya Bacchus]

As always you are welcome :)

[Michael Stevens]

!!!!!!!!!!

[Vidya Bacchus]

.....................................:>)

[Michael Stevens]

Okay, I got nothing; you win; this time; nicely played!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Ha take that."I win ".What is the prize dare I ask ?

[Michael Stevens]

Today, 1st prize is my complete surrender. I know it may seem like nothing, but it really is!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahaha okay i get bragging rights then "woohoo ,I won nothing and it really is lol"

[Michael Stevens]

Lol? My complete surrender is prized; in Antarctica, it's coveted!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Well you are really lucky because my complete surrender is prized nowhere lol

[Michael Stevens]

Well, to be fair, my complete surrender took me years of practice, so give it time!

[Vidya Bacchus]

So in other words you are now a professional surrenderer ? Oh my god is that really a thing lol

[Michael Stevens]

It is now!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Okay to be fair i think in fact that you win ater all .........:)

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you, I accept!

[Michael Stevens]

I forgot to ad lol!

[Vidya Bacchus]

haha so polite ..........................:)

[Marie]

I think Wiifred has a pretty good idea here...and I don't see anything politically incorrect about it.

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much, Marie!