Dear Winifred; Jan. 29

Advice (NOT good!) column

 

Warning; advice given is NOT politically correct!

 

     "Dear Winifred, I lost my job a couple of years ago, and haven't had much luck finding a new one.  I realize times are tough right now, but all I want to do is go back to work.  I feel such like a failure; working defines who I am, gives me direction.  As a guy with a college education, it's really frustrating me.  My unemployment benefits have run out,  and I'm soon to be foreclosed on and I'll lose my house.  I don't know what I'll do then.  I'm a positive guy, but I'm about ready to give up looking for another job.  Any suggestions?  Signed Down and Almost Out."

 

 

     "Dear Down and Almost Out, you sound like a whiner son of a b***h.  Did you try putting down the cheese puffs, turning off the cartoons, and getting up off your dead a*s?  Have some pride, man!  What's your college degree in, Lame-Astrophysics?  I know it's hard for a person roughly on a par smarts-wise with a flowering house plant to find a job, but come on; you're just embarrassing yourself.  I can just imagine Sunday dinner with your parents; "Frank, our reject son can't find work!"  "Why am I not surprised Dalia?  I mean, why get a job when you can just sponge off your parents?  Never mind he's driving them to an early grave!"  See that smallish rectangle on your coffee table?  That's what's known as a phone; pick it up and call a company; you can't find a job walrusing on the couch; Winifred."

 

     "Dear Winifred, I wrote yesterday and you mentioned Sunday dinner at my parents house.  Sadly, both of my parents are gone.  Signed Down and Almost Out."

 

     "Dear Down and Out, it's no wonder; if I had a lazy-a*s slob for a son, I'd have left too.  Winifred."   

Reviews

[Marie]

Well apparently anybody can get a job as an advice columnist...

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, ANYONE!