Dear Winifred; Feb. 16

Advice (NOT good!) column

Warning; advice given is NOT politically correct!

 

     "Dear Winifred, I've got a real problem.  I'm going to do something stupid if another telemarketer calls and interrupts dinner with, "Hello, how would you like to own the finest prune juicer on the market today?"  Meanwhile, because you had to drop everything to answer the phone, the nice steaks you were going to surprise your family with now resemble flaming used meat cinder deals.  I can't be the only one who feels this way.  It's so frustrating to sign the do-not-call list, and have just as many, if not more calls trying to sell you some useless junk.  How can I reign in my sarcasm and not explode in anger?  Signed Dinner Time Anger."

 

 

     "Dear Dinner Time Anger, don't get me started about how to reign in your anger, because I have yet to be successful at it.  Those spawns of the Devil piss me off to no end.  In case you haven't noticed, I'm usually a mild mannered woman, but these b******s set my teeth to grinding, what with their blatant ignoring of the law.  Why, the do-not-call list may as well be a 'please-do-call-and-at-the-most-inopportune-time-possible' list.  So I'm sorry, this is one problem that old Winifred can't help you out with; because old Winifred has no fricking idea how to make them stop!  Winifred."

 

Reviews

[Marie]

What you do is simply put the gently down and walk away. After the telemarketer has talked to empty air for five minutes he'll get the idea...

[Michael Stevens]

Caller-ID baby!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Yes of course ,as we all know she is so mild mannered lol. She is just the sweetest kindest soul ever :)

[Michael Stevens]

Ha; yes, the word 'nice' springs immediately to mind!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahaha no kidding. She is so warm and cuddly ,just like a cactus lol

[Michael Stevens]

Now you're just being unfair to cacti!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahaha they can take it :)

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, they probably can, the little pricks!

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are hilarious lol. Oh my gosh my mouth hurts from laughing :)

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you, I'll be here all day!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahaha good to know :)

[Michael Stevens]

Bring a friend, and get 2% off floor laminates at "House of Laminates"!

[Vidya Bacchus]

What the hell Michael haha .Laminates you say ?

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, well, it's what popped into my head, okay?

[Vidya Bacchus]

Of course .Its perfectly understandable I mean who doesn't swoon at the mere thought of laminates and at 2% off .I mean come on :)

[Michael Stevens]

Ah, floor-covering humor, huh?

[Vidya Bacchus]

Yes of course lol

[Frieda P]

Ha you had me at 'prune juicer'...not to mention I can't stomach those pains in the arses. What? Winifred is clueless, I'm shocked! She better start drinking her prune juice and get on the ball there.

[Michael Stevens]

I'm not sure if there IS such a thing, but it sure sounded funny to me!

[Frieda P]

Sounded fookin funny to me too

[Michael Stevens]

Boy, I sure HOPE it does to others, or I'm barking up the wrong Humor Tree!

[Frieda P]

Prunes are just funny....so I think you got it ;-)

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, I fail to see how prunes CAN'T be funny; PRUNE! Just the word screams humor; now THERE's a funny bit, a screaming prune!

[Frieda P]

Who's twisting that tale, Winifred or you? ;-)

[Michael Stevens]

Winifred's renting out a room in my brain!

[Frieda P]

I hope you didn't give her the keys............

[Michael Stevens]

What? She swore there'd be no late-night parties, but she stood right here, looked me in the eye, and lied to me; finding a good renter is almost impossible now days!

[Frieda P]

Especially when you're insane, yeah I know haha

[Michael Stevens]

Hey, watch who you're calling insane there; oh, that's right, it's true; never mind!