The View From Mondo's Face!

A Dear Winifred Tale

 

     Mondo Priestvent's eyes burned into the latest 'advice' from that bloviating windbag, Winifred Downy.  How a negative, nasty piece of work like her ever got her own advice column was beyond him. 

 

     Yeah, I'm a totally-clueless, out-of-touch-with-reality, societal shrew, who hates every one, and every thing, he thought.   I need my own advice column!

 

     Here he was, eating dog food out of a can (it claimed to be 'beef stew', but he had his doubts.  Many older, sicker racing horses had mysteriously disappeared lately!)  His point was, here was a windbag like Winifred making a comfortable living off supposed wisdom, and here he was, struggling to make a dollar.  He'd been let go from his job directing traffic for a construction company, and all he was spending his time doing was running his I Hate Winifred website, which paid exactly nothing. 

 

     Maybe I should reach out to advertisers to help pay the bills?  he thought.  Yeah, what the Hell?

 

 

     "The I Hate Winifred Website, brought to you by Dolly's Feminine Napkins."  It kind of brought the website down a little, but they were the only company who'd hadn't laughed and told him to get real, and he really couldn't afford to turn them down; he'd take whatever help he could get.  He was putting the finishing touches on this month's entry.  He'd decided to only put out a new issue once a month, and spend the rest of his time looking for work.  So far, he'd found a grand total of a lump of s**t, but it was only the first month, so he wasn't too worried yet.  Times were tough; he'd find something.  Lord knew, he could probably post a completely new website every day, what with all the bullshit that Winifred spouted, but once a month was easy.  This months posting included some 'advice' Winifred had spewed to some unfortunate b*****d who called himself Slinging Sammy.  This poor guy had written in that he wanted to be a professional athlete, and Winifred had crapped on his dreams.  He had blasted her for her insensitivity;

 

     "What the Hell is wrong with this woman?  A guy writes in to Dear Winifred, looking for a little encouragement, and what's her 'advice'?  "Give it up, you're just embarrassing yourself!"  I mean, there's such a thing as letting someone down easy, but he took a sledgehammer to the nuts from this frowning mound of unpleasantness!..."

 

     His reply went on from there, but he pushed 'send', and headed for the door.  He had an interview with a real cattle slaughtering company.  Sure, it was probably a s**t-hole job; maybe he should look for work at a horse slaughtering company, after all, that 'beef stew' he was eating quite regularly because it was cheap, sold quite well he understood!

 

 

     Of course he didn't get the job; he was probably overqualified; oh well.  He decided to check his incoming e-mail for the IHW website.  20 new comments, and one was from Winifred herself.  He gathered his courage and clicked on it.

 

 

     "Why you hatchet-faced little weasel!  It's so easy for you, isn't it?  You sit there and ego-hump a defenseless advice columnist.  Well, I'm through being humped; I'll have you know that the advice I gave to Slinging Sammy applies to you, also.  Slinging Sammy has absolutely no shot of becoming a professional athlete, just like you have absolutely no shot of ever becoming anything more than what you are; a throbbing tool!"

 

     Oh, he literally saw red, and he pounded out his reply, which would accompany Winifred's letter into the next posting of the IHW website. 

 

     Keep it together! he told himself.  But what he really wanted to print was unprintable.  Sure, it was his baby, and he knew he could print swear words, but why stoop to her level?

 

     "I received just another example of Winifred's lack of any actual literary acumen.  Instead, it's nothing more than Mt. Winifred erupting in a volcanic cloud of angry venting.  Why am I not surprised?  She's proven time and time again that she's nothing more than a vengeful, hate-filled person.  It would be fascinating to read her biography as to why she's got to be so negative, so filled with anger; it would undoubtedly be an instant best seller; 'Dear Winifred, a Cautionary Tale Of The Dangers of a Runaway Ego!'"

 

 

     A few days after the latest IHW post, came the inevitable reply from Winifred, only this time, it was so filled with expletives, it was once again unprintable.  The next month, he printed;

 

     "Winifred Downy, that embittered shrew, has once again lashed out in print in response to my posting last month in which I dared to criticize her, apparently for anything.  I guess she didn't appreciate my assertion.   Well, I just told it like it is, which she proved her IQ level with a profanity-laced rant against me, the website, and the refrigerator repairman (no, not really!)  I can't wait for her response this month!"

 

    He fully expected a foaming-at-the-mouth response from her, but instead got an e-mail from his web provider saying they had deleted her letter.  Apparently, it was such a profanity-laced diatribe that his web provider had deleted it; he didn't even know that was done.  He'd never even heard of such a thing.  Well you learn something every day!

 

The End

         

     

Reviews

[Vidya Bacchus]

Why doesn't Mondo cut his losses and run .He aint ever going to win that Wini :)

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, Winifred's advice to him? "Give it up, you piss-poor excuse for a man, of course, you can't help that I suppose!"

[Vidya Bacchus]

Ha she is such a sweet talker that one lol

[Marie]

think Mondo should find something else to do. He can't win out over WInifred. He can't make her back down. And even his web provider knows better...

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, I'm not sure they'd even do that, but I thought it was a humorous idea; they were smart if the did!