Waves

The battle against some bad memories

 

 

Smooth sailing, feeling content, when from out of the blue,

 

it hits me like a hammer blow to my head,

 

taking all the air from my lungs, and out of my sails

 

Sudden shock to the system, a memory I thought  I'd mastered,

 

a specter from my long ago, a ghost, stealing my piece of mind,

 

uninvited, unwanted, and destructive as hell

 

A memory I've gone toe-to-toe with, a memory conquered,

 

or so I thought; but here it is again, a knife stabbing

 

into the farthest reaches of my brain; a dark corner

 

where I keep my most painful recollections that are

 

hard, if not impossible, to face.  I tell myself to

 

forgive myself, for there's nothing I can do to change

 

it, but every once in a while,

one or one like it invades my thoughts;

 

is dragged into the light, and once again I fight

 

like hell to keep from being overwhelmed by

 

the damn thing; over and

 

over it's played and replayed on an endless loop

 

Driving me crazy with the 'what ifs'  What if

 

I'd have done this, or acted like this?  Or,

 

well, you get the idea; and the dark corner has a name; guilt

Reviews

[Aethereal]

This poem is stunningly inspirational with its associating of sailing with the mood of guilt. It inspired me to write this tiny song-poem for you which you may keep as your own: I used 1/0/1/0/1/0/1 seven syllable meter and exact rhyme to get this sing-song effect: Sing along:

Guilt Ahoy!

Sailing under tranquil skies,
whirlwinds take me by surprise:
Memories of my oft told lies
haunt me with their guilty cries.

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you, and thanks you for this excellent mini-song!

[Aethereal]

I tried to personify "Memory" in this song. Sometimes we need to sit down with Mr. Memory and talk it all out. Our memory isn't really us.

[Michael Stevens]

Well, MY Mr. Memory's a real dick!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Stop tormenting yourself Mikey.You can't change the past and it makes no sense to wonder "what if"

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, I found the girl I've long felt guilty about my treatment of her on Facebook, wrote a long apology, and nothing back; now I feel guilty about possibly stirring up old memories for her, and I wonder if I made things worse for her by trying to make myself feel better? Ah, guilt; tis a wonderful thing; ever since I got my head bashed in in that car wreck, the guilt feelings I have seem to be much worse. I always have been a guilt-feeling person, but know IT'S OUT OF CONTROL!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Well you have been busy doing some stuff.I

[Vidya Bacchus]

Jeez I was not finished.I have figured out that trying to fix a bad situation usually makes it worst.You are a kind and funny and good person ,just let the past be Mikey .I think that we often try too hard ya know?You want a beer ?

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, thanks, I'm not doing so hot; I think getting e-drunk would be good for me. I know I probably shouldn't have said what I said, but I know I had to, you know?

[Michael Stevens]

Thank Vidya, for the e-beer, AND for listening to my pathetic whining. I'm struggling with this big time, and probably shouldn't have said what I said, but I also know I had no choice, you know what I mean?

[Vidya Bacchus]

No worries Mikey stick figure.It will be fine ,I know these things I am very wise.E beer rules yeah? You are not a pathetic whiner sometimes things get to be to much and we get overwhelmed is all

[Michael Stevens]

And maybe an e-funnel also? I feel like getting as far gone as I can, as quickly as I can!

[Vidya Bacchus]

E funnel for E beer check! Lets get this party started yeah!!!!

[Michael Stevens]

WAY ahead of you; in fact, I've read so much I aint feeling so good!

[Marie]

You know you have to stop that It won't change the past, it won't do the present any good, it can only hurt the future.

[Michael Stevens]

I know you're right; I'm just being a freak!