Monitor-Lizard Men From Outer Space

I know it seems weird, but...oh hell, it IS weird!

     The unmistakable sound of a battle to the death between the Entire Word Government troops and the space-freak invaders from the black void of the void is raging outside our door.  You may think I messed up and forgot the L in 'word', but ever since spelling mistakes were outlawed, back in 2554 I believe, we've been ruled by a cabal of angry writers who grew weary of seeing pathetic, sloppy, creative ways to spell COW, for example, misspelling became a crime punishable by public flogging; and you saw lazy spelling mistakes become a thing of the past, although we did suffer through The Great Idiot Rebellion, where underground morons attempted to wrest control of the government back from The Worders; a bit like the famous Tea Party back in the early days of the millennium.  Makes one wonder exactly how stupid is enough for some people; but other than that, we've had relative peace.  My name is Symbot Twelve, or S-T to my friends, and D****e-Bag to others.  I'm writing this as I am gazing upon a nightmare on my boobinator; images of the utter desolation they're dishing out on Wordcentral City is rather depressing.  It's not so much we're being invaded by dudes with leathery skin and four legs (that we can see; no one's gotten close enough to see the truth; those who have gotten close enough to see are also dead and unable to let us know), although that's something you don't see every day; no, it's because Earth has gotten so overcrowded, contractors have resorted to building small housing module communities directly on top of garbage mounds.  The odor can be masked by a strong air freshener during most of the year, but in the summer?  Forget about it!  Hey, you may as well charge your neighbor 20 Kraylars to crap in your yard, although 'yard' is a misnomer; because that's what it costs to rent one of these compost heaps; actual grass is reserved for the super-wealthy, as real grass brings a hefty premium most of us could no more afford than the solid-gold toilet seats that the wealthy favor.  See, for the wealthy, even taking a dump gives them another opportunity for them to rub our noses in it.  I---oh, there's a call from my friend Bonar Fifteen on the Holographer. 

 

     "Hey BF, what's shaking baby?"

 

     "I know that BF's my nickname, but come on!"

 

     "Hey, I LOVE BF; it's a term of endearment; well, anyway, how's it

hanging?"

 

     "Oh, other than the fact Lizard Dudes with automatic weapons are about to kick my a*s, or take me prisoner and ship my a*s back to Freakazoid, or whatever their planet's called, I guess I can't complain.  I'm watching the battle from my window as we speak.  It sounds a lot closer now.  Oh, can see dudes that look like monitor---ahhh!"

 

     "BF!  Are you there?"  After a few seconds, I hear what I can only describe as "Glurp!"  Probably the holographer melting.  Cheap Material!  was my initial thought, followed immediately by oh my god; he only lives a couple of miles from me!   Wordcentral City was five miles from my house, meaning they were getting closer.  Time to bail!  As I am thinking this, a loud explosion sounds right outside my house.  I made a note to myself; before bailing, remember to take extra adult diapers!   There's no time to waste; I would just have time to grab the essentials; so I grab the unopened half rack of beer (Hey, have you seen the price of it lately?  Liquid gold, I tell you!) and start to open my door.  A laser blast changes my mind in a hurry; damn, too late!

 

 

******

 

 

     Darkness has fallen, and laser blasts create artificial lighting flashes on my wall.  So far, I'm safe; no Lizard-Men have broken down the front doo--oh, oh, maybe I should rephrase that a little; I'm f****d!  They're looking at me right know.  Maybe if I'm friendly and welcoming; "Hello; welcome to Earth!  Say, those uniforms make you look very commanding; yes sir, very authoritaria--wait, why are you raising that laser..."

 

 

The End

 

 

Reviews

[char]

"Great Idiot Rebellion" 😂 This story is so strange and over the top; I love it!

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks, and yes, it's a bit bizarre, but twas the mood I was in, so I followed wherever the story decided it wanted to go!

[char]

And that's usually the way to go!

[Michael Stevens]

Usually, but sometimes, I wonder! Lol!

[Marie]

This is really weird...something creepy from the 50's finally invades earth...it just took awhile...

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, I'll admit to it being weird!