A Visit From St. Nick, Or Is It?

A 2nd Amendment Christmas!

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

 

I'm lying awake with my double-pump shotgun, all the lights have been doused

 

My protection is hung around my neck with great care

 

Anyone pretending to be Santa had better beware

 

My money's all snuggled in a coffee can,

 

This time I'll be waiting; it won't happen again

 

Visions of attempted larceny dance in my head

 

I'm laying on pins and needles, here in my bed

 

The blond that I met at the bar; don't ask me her name,

 

Slept in her underwear beside me, but I'm too wired to do the same,

 

When out on the lawn arose such a clatter

 

It sounded like some stupid son of a b***h was raising a ladder

 

I so wanted to explode the window with a 'flash!',

 

But I figured any action yet would be a bit rash

 

I'd wait until the b*****d was inside; then I couldn't miss

 

Then the dumb-s**t thief, my a*s he could kiss

 

Then by the light of the moon reflecting off the new fallen snow,

 

I'd fill that stupid son of a b***h so full of holes;

 

When what to my paranoid eyes did appear,

 

I'm not sure, cause I was so full of fear

 

It appeared to be a fat man dressed like some sort of clown

 

Well, whatever he was, he wouldn't be hanging around

 

Very much longer; I cocked the trigger with a shaking hand

 

And gave him both barrels and double pumped the man

 

He flew backwards in a spray of red;

 

He tried to hold his guts in, but soon he was dead

 

I turned on the light; the bimbo was screaming

 

In through the window the streetlight was beaming

 

The dead guy had been carrying some sort of bag

 

Before I sent him to Hell; inside were presents with a tag

 

I picked one up and read the inscription

 

"To Freddy from Santa"; inside was a box of shells and a subscription

 

To 'Hair-Trigger Protection Magazine'; just what I wanted

 

Even so, my unshakable belief in fire arms continued on undaunted

 

I don't believe he was actually who he said he was

 

I know this, because I saw it on Fox News, and, because

 

They're the only network that tells me the truth,

 

I never listen to anything else to learn what to do

 

He was probably from the government; come to take my guns

 

I heard it on Fox; they'll keep tightening the laws until our rights are done,

 

Leaving people like me defenseless,

 

If you ask me and Fox News; so damn senseless!,

 

And leaving the emperor in the White House free to carry out his plan,

 

And that is to have total control over all the land

 

I went to the reefer and opened a beer,

 

And not just any beer, malt liquor's in here!

 

In the meantime, Blondie has fled

 

I'm proud of my actions this night, pretend Santa is dead, dead, dead!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Marie]

I'm so glad to seee that y ou're in the Christmas spirit. Iwas afraid you'd let the season pass without a mention, and here youve already shot Santa Klaus.

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, I'm all about ho-freaking-ho!