Turn Back the Clock

Why my attitude

 

     After so much time has passed since my head-on collision and coma, I know I ought to just accept the inevitable; this is it, I'll never be like I was.  I've fought so hard every day to get back to where I used to be.  Endless hours of pushing what's left of my body up to and far surpassing the level of exercising I'd be comfortable with, none!  Even when a so-called physical therapy session turned out to be a doctor telling me this was permanent (see, even the word 'permanent'  is one that makes me uncomfortable to write, as if just seeing it written down makes it true, somehow!) and what I've got, is all I'll ever have.  I refuse to accept that; I have to.  My answer to the word 'permanent' is to work even harder.  But I know, deep down, that I'm waging an almost (or not almost!) impossible daily war.  Everyone tells me to just move on, and after so much time, maybe they're right, but I have to believe I'll be able to walk normally some day.  As for my voice, which used to sing, ever returning, while I'd welcome it, it isn't that important to me; all my focus is on walking normally again.  I'll admit, after so many years, the doubt creeps in, but I won't listen, much.  I realize my attitude is wrong, but it's the only attitude I'll allow myself to have! 

 

Reviews

[Marie]

Michael, I think you're doing your best. Apparently, you haen't given up yet. Doctors dont' know everything. They don't know what the human will is, or wha tit can do.

I don't think your attitude is wrong, for if you accept the idea that what you have now is all you ever will have then that's how it will be. Don't accept that.

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you for agreeing with me. Most people just say accept it, but I don't WANT to accept it. What's hard for me to accept is the fact I can try as hard as I can and believe I'm going to make it all I want, and at the end of the day, falling short. No, I'll never give up, but keeping the doubts at bay is getting a little bit harder!

[Marie]

I don't know your circumstances, and can't give you any advice, but I do wish you well.

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you very much Marie!