Star-Spangled Spud Salute!

I don't know why I put 'Star Spangled', sounded more 

impressive

 

I guess; speaking of impressive, just look at the spuds on display

 

Men from around the globe, representing 43 different countries,

 

Are proud to put spuds head-to-head in a nudity battle

 

Of TURGIDITY, against other men's spuds in a the big 'dick-off'!

 

Prizes will be awarded and songs will be sung many years from now

 

About the epic contest to see which man will take home

 

"The Best Spud in Show' title; now, let's 'meat' the judges;

 

First up is a woman fresh out of prison

 

Who needs no introduction, ladies and gentleman,

 

Say hello to Wanda Cleaver!  Her story was front-page

 

News for a couple of seconds as she cut her husband down to size!

 

 Next, we have Daisy Fillopied, a truck stop entertainer who is

 

A self-proclaimed expert on spudage

 

And finally, Blondie Hoover, an X-rated film star,

 

And who also lays--err--claims the title 'Spudage Expert!"

 

Okay men, let's see how you stand up

 

To their up close scrutiny!

 

****

 

After all the contestants have swung pipe, our judges have

 

Reached the unfortunate conclusion that there's just not

 

Enough to reach a consensus; too bad gentleman,

 

No winner was named, but you won't go home empty handed;

 

Each of you will take home this fabulous 'I'm Proud of my Spud'

 

Tee shirt!