Incredible Baby Man--Chapter 7

More incredible shots to the groin!

                                                            

     Shorty walked away a free man--Wiseman had lived up to his name and found a way to get him released on his own consciousness, or whatever the term was. Of course he would have to return and face the charges, teeing off on two guy's nuts--they called it assault. In the meantime, after a long and fruitless search for a new job, he was planning on going back, basically hat in hand, and beg Egbert Harbinger for his old job back. 

 

     He'd heard through the grapevine the circus wasn't doing so hot without him, and seeing as how he was the only one so far with Sandoval Perpetual Shortosis, there was no one to replace him. If they wanted to try, they'd have to dress a real baby up as a 38 year old, and good luck with that. What were they going to do, use a stick to open and close his mouth so it looked like he was talking while an audio tape played? Glue a fake beard on his face? No, he was the only answer, the only answer for saving Destucto's Circus from being flushed down the shitter.

 

******

 

     Shorty was standing outside Harbinger's door, scared to knock, for fear Harbinger wouldn't see reason, the truth was they both needed each other, and he especially because there wasn't much, or any, call for a two feet-and-change-tall, baby-faced 38 year old dude. He'd tried going to a different circus, but his s****y reputation preceded him. Teeing of on people's nuts was coming back to haunt him.

 

     "Come in!" Harbinger's voice replied to Shorty's knock on the door once he'd gotten up enough courage. He stormed into the office, determined to act confident but the first words out of his mouth were,

 

     "Hello Mr. Harbinger, please take me back; I'll wash your car and straighten up your office every morning before you get here!" He was sickened by his words and almost glanced down at his knees to see if he was wearing a*s-kissing knee pads.

 

     Harbinger's face betrayed his answer before he had spoken, "You sawed-off little son of a b***h, how dare you come to me now after the s**t you pulled!"

 

     Stick to your guns Shorty! he reminded himself. "Okay, you can cut my salary." What? 

 

     "Okay," and just like that he was once again The Incredible Baby Man of Destructo's Circus!

 

******

 

     As the spotlight's invasive beam found him, it all came back to him just how much he hated doing this; it had been a mistake to knee pad Harbinger. He was once again basically whoring himself out so idiot-b******s could line Harbinger's pockets with gold, while he had foolishly caved and agreed, not to a raise, but to a cut in his pay. As he gazed out at the drooling-idiot faces of youngsters and adults alike, he wanted to projectile-vomit instead of saying the words spewing out of his mouth,

 

     "Hello there, good people," good my ever loving a*s, you bunch of cow-brained mother-f---

 

     "Look mommy, that man looks like a baby!" interrupted a voice that carried throughout the otherwise-silent arena.

 

     "Look everybody, a rude a*****e disguised as a kid!" shot back a pissed off Shorty before he had given it any thought. 

 

     The audience squirmed in disgruntled embarrassment and Shorty was well aware of what came next. "Ladies and gentleman, I'd like to give you an apology... I'd like to, but see, I meant every word, and I think an apology that I didn't mean would come across as hollow as most of your heads! Now, please file out in an orderly fashion." 

 

     "Mommy, does that mean the show's over?" asked another kid.

 

     Shorty felt an overwhelming rage. "Give that kid a star; he's certainly much more intelligent than Mr. and Mrs. Slopehead there," he cracked, pointing to what more than likely were his parents. 

His amplified voice echoed off the walls and slapped the crowd in the face.

 

     Down the stairs two at a time came the kid's father; jumping up onto the stage, and was immediately tackled by Egbert Harbinger, who after they landed, said to the angry father, who was struggling to regain his footing,

 

     "Stay down; believe me, your nut's will thank you!"

 

 

******

 

 

     After the arena had emptied out, Shorty was sitting in the uncomfortable silence of Harbinger's office. Harbinger had said he wanted to see him. So far though, Harbinger had remained silent, staring at him with a rather unnerving gaze. He would have much preferred being dressed down. At least then he would have had something to respond to, but as it was, he just had to sit there and listen to the sound of the ticking clock. He felt rather like the guy in 'The Tell-Tail Heart' by Poe. 

 

     Finally, the continued silence got to him.  "I---"

 

     "Shut up!  Save your excuses for someone else. I was trying to decide what I should do, and I've reached a decision; you're fired, again!"

 

      Even though he knew it was coming, and welcomed it, Shorty felt the now-familiar black rage wash over him; "Why you absolute fricking idiot!" and he knocked the fresh cup of coffee, burning-hot coffee, sitting on the desk, over towards Harbinger's lap.  Harbinger screamed and leapt to his feet, and immediately presented Shorty with his preferred target.  He threw a right uppercut to Harbinger's exposed family jewels, and Harbinger immediately did the now familiar flop, grab, and scream.

 

******

 

     Later that same day, Shorty was reefing on a fire torch, drowning his sorrows in a big-a*s bottle of malt liquor, and pondering his sad fate.  Even though he was glad to be away from Destructo's Circus, he was bummed because he didn't know what he was supposed to do now.  There was nothing else. 

 

     As he was smoking, drinking, and brooding, a half-baked idea was beginning to form in his brain. If he had to endure the moronic, idiot-fans that came to see him, why not start his own circus? The more he toyed with the notion, the more he liked the idea. He had decided; 'Shorty's Three Ring Adventure Circus' was born, or about to be.

 

                   

Reviews

[Marie]

Shorty's Circus sounds like fun...

A bunch of freaks insulting the audience?

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, doesn't it though? My question is, does Shorty get half off? You know, because he's so small; eh, ha, ha--sorry!