Two Sum B*****s on the Road

More adventures of Clem and Del!

                                                         

     "A gay bakery? Shee-it!" mumbled Clem, "that explains the name." 'Buns of Steel' was painted on the side of the bakery van they'd stolen, in giant letters. It would also explain the winks and shouts from male drivers and passengers and the air horn blasts from a passing semi. They'd been too busy looking for cops than to give the name much thought. "Why did we end up stealing this thing? Obviously, they're popular around these parts." Beside him, Del answered,

 

     "Well, it's not that we had much of a choice. We needed something to get away from there, and this was the only thing available."

 

     Clem glared at him from the drivers' seat, "Shut up, if I wanted a recap of what's transpired lately, I wouldn't--I'd still tell you to shut up!"

 

     Del looked stricken and Clem was immediately sorry for what he'd said, "Look, I'm sorry, I guess the stress of it all is getting to me."

 

     Del looked at him, as if deciding whether to accept his apology. "Yeah, okay, it's getting bad for me too."

 

     "I guess we should ditch the 'Buns of Steel' van and steal sumpin' else."

 

******

 

     They were driving slowly through a mall parking lot, keeping their eyes peeled for something a little less embarrassing to swipe, when a man came towards them. 

 

     "Oh s**t!" Clem and Del said together. The man knocked on the window, and reluctantly Clem rolled down the window, "Can I help you?"

 

     The stranger looked to be about 55, with dark hair that brushing with his hand did nothing to get it out of his eyes, "Yes, me and some of my friends would like your buns."

 

     Clem floored the gas and the van burned rubber out of there. They rode in silence until Del broke it with,

 

     "Now what?"

 

     "Well, all I know is we've got to switch vehicles, or we'll soon be marching in a wedding equality parade."

 

******

 

     "Leave it to you to steal the biggest pile of s**t in three states!" Del told Clem, who was immediately hacked and whirled his eyes towards Del,

 

   "Look, sum b***h, you were there too, but did you say, "No, Clem, that one looks like a pile of s**t, maybe we should keep looking." No, you did not, so shut up there, sum b***h!"

 

     "You're right, Clem, I'm just frustrated, now we have to get it towed and fixed."

 

      "Well, I ain't too happy either, but beggars can't be choosers. I think I saw a pay phone back up the road aways, and if you'd hike back there and call for assistance, that'd be great."

 

     "Me? Why do I have to go? Why not you?"

 

     "Because somebody has to drive off if we see a cop, and seeing as how I'm used to driving it, it should be me."

 

     Apparently forgetting that the car was broken down and wasn't going anywhere, Del replied,

 

     "Well, that makes sense, okay, I'll be back," and he opened the door and looked both ways along the road.  "Wait, which way did you see the phone?"

 

     Clem just shook his head at the asinine question, "Let's think about that for a minute, shall we? How would we know what's up ahead, we haven't been there yet."

 

      "Oh yeah!  So back this way then?"

Reviews

[Marie]

Well if they stoled it, they certainly can't get it towed and fixed. They'd be better off to steal another vehicle. A quiet little Toyota, perhaps...

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, you're right Marie, but then the're not exactly the sharpest knives in the untelsil drawer!