"Back From Vacation?"

More self-arguing!

                                                            

     "I thought I felt you come in, so, you're back from vacation, huh? Damn, I was hoping you'd eat some tainted shell fish. Oh well!"

 

     "Ah, ha, ha--screw you!"

 

     "No, wait for it--SCREW YOU!"

 

     "Oh, wow, WHAT a come back! I see your head is still filled with useless s**t thoughts. I'm always tripping over them, when I'm actually thinking coherent ones!"

 

     "You know, why are you such a dolt-b*****d?"

 

     "Gee, I don't know, maybe because I rent a duplex in your head? I AM you!"

 

    "Well, I think I'll put up a For Rent sign, and say, "Idiotic morons need not apply!"

 

     "Oh yeah? Well, I'll put up a notice for anyone with a brain to look someplace else!"

 

     "Oh yeah? Well, I'll take it down!"

 

    "Oh yeah? Well, SCREW YOU!"

 

     "Ah, ha, ha, I pushed your angry dickhead button--see, you like to think of yourself as "a rational, calm, reasonable guy, but in reality, you're just another angry b*****d!"

 

     "Oh yeah? How's this for a 'rational, calm, reasonable response?' 'Attention, rational, calm, reasonable people, leave, now--there's nothing for you here. The landlord is an overbearing, obnoxious loser who fancies himself a smart man, but would, in reality, lose an intelligence-off with your average boat anchor!'"

 

     "Ah, ha--well, I'd say 'no dudes with boats need apply, either!'"

 

     "You are aware this conversation is between you and yourself? And that response is ludicrous?"

 

      "Oh yeah? Well--well--oh, forget it, you're not worth it!"

 

     "Couldn't think of a comeback, could you? Typical--you freeze like a cheap suit whenever you feel pressure, which apparently is as soon as you wake up!"

 

     "Freeze like a cheap suit? Now, who's freezing up?"

 

     "You are, because remember, I'm just a part of you, the much-brighter part!"

 

     "Hey, screw you, pal, I, I,..."

 

     "Are you crying?"

 

     "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

 

     "You ARE crying, what a puss!"

 

     "No, I'm not crying, there's something in my eye!"

 

     "Like a sprinkler?"

 

     "Shut up, shut up, shut up, damn you, SHUT UP!"

 

     "Okay, look, whether we like it or not, we're stuck with each other. Let's try to be neighborly, huh?"

 

     "Well, if you're my neighbor, my s**t neighbor, I guess I'd better try, but you're such an obnoxious dick!"

    

     "Yeah, okay, if it makes you feel better, whatever!"

 

     "Oh, I suppose it makes you feel like the better man, 'look at me, I can be gracious,' Give me a break!"

 

     "Okay, neighbor, maybe this will make you feel better, 'The brain that I unfortunately have to share with a clueless Non-Thinking Loser-Hole, is crowded. 'A Non-Thinking Loser-Hole, where ideas enter, get trapped, and are never heard from again'!"   

 

     "That's it--take that!"

 

     "Real smart, there, Einstein, you do realize you're teeing off on your own face, don't you?"

 

     "I don't care, I can take a little pain if--maybe body-blows would work bette--oof!"

 

     "What a moron!"

 

     "Well, looks like it's back to the face, cause you're still--"

 

******

 

     "Www-ere am I?"

 

    "Are you happy now? You knocked yourself for a loop."

 

     "Oh, well, it didn't work, because you're still here. I need some aspirin, man, I really kicked my own a*s!"

 

     "You're honor, I rest my case. 'Very well, we won't even need a jury for this one. Will the prisoner please rise? Oh, that's right, THAT MEANS STAND UP! Man, you weren't kidding about his smart level!  Mr. Dick, I find you guilty of being the stupidest man alive, and sentence you to, oh, how about 4,000 hours of keeping your ignorant mouth shut, and Mr. Dick? Stay away from Mr. Rational, here-huh?"

 

     "Mr. Rational? Ha! I'll think up a good comeback on my way to get an aspirin--man, do I ever pack a wallop!"