You Won't Believe This, But...!

The truth, I promise!

                                                       

You probably won't believe this, but

this is a photograph of me and what's-

 

her-name on a Caribbean beach last year,

She, topless, and me holding a beer.

 

But, she photo-shopped me out of the frame.

Something about me never remembering her name.

 

I told her, "Hey babe, there are plenty of fish in the sea,

plenty of fish would lust and come after me,

 

I mean, just take a look at all you'll be missing.

Yeah, I suppose you think you're dissing

 

me, but talk about a waste of time--oh, talking is good I suppose,

but I'd leave you speechless when you see me with no clothes!

 

Adonis in a speedo, that who I resemble--and I know what you'll say,

"You make a funny! Keep dreaming--that'll be the day!

 

More like a flabby Charlie the Tuna,"--but let me stop you right there.

I would have treated you like a queen, but you dared

 

to dump my a*s--oh yeah? Well, I've been spared having to act

all caring and s**t--when, like I said--doesn't bother me at all! Fact

 

is, I happen to like being alone, all the time. So you see, sending

me this photo as a way of making me sad, and rending

 

my heart just won't work, I'll show you how little I think

of you dumping me--"Hey barkeep, another drink

 

down here, can't you see I'm hurting, man?

Oh, so funny--yes, yet-again!"