"It Strains the Imagination!"

'War of the Worlds' continues!

                                                        

     "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to break character for now, and I'll try to describe for you what I'm seeing, because this s**t is unbelievable. I don't even know if we're still broadcasting, as the last thing I remember is a bunch of 3-ft.-tall mutant dudes running out of a strange glowing sphere and blasting away with what we thought were laser-guns, but apparently were some kind of knock-out laser-rays, because when we came to, we were aboard their strange glowing sphere and watching Earth fading into the distance. My name is Nipsy Chunker, and for the next hour, I'll be your narrator for, "It Strains the Imagination!"..."

 

     "What the hell is Chunker doing?" asked Dale Sampson, another member of The Punctured Tire Players, a group of radio actors, after they had all woken up aboard some king of space ship.

 

     "I'm not sure. Apparently, this was too much for his tiny brain to handle," replied Wally Shore, the Assistant Director to Director Chunker, a man who had no love lost for Chunker, and harbored secret dreams to one day take over the directorship, and drop 'assistant' from his job title. They were watching with incredulity as Chunker was speaking into the microphone he'd been taking to his car when they were knock-out rayed. There were wires dragging on the ground, not connected to anything.

 

     "Well, that is some weird s**t," said Wendy Tinker, another victim of the alien abduction. She opened her mouth to continue speaking, but was interrupted mid-opening when Chunker continued, "

 

     "Ladies and gentleman, we're aboard some kind of strange craft, one such as you've never seen. Let me try my best to describe it to you: there are mysterious dials stretching away in every direction, and we're standing before some kind of wide-screen viewing port, watching all you good people on the planet Earth, and the Earth itself, disappearing behind us. There are several long chairs with what appears to be surgical devices set up next to each one. Let me try to count them: one, two, three, four. There are four chairs. There are tables, but that's all this intrepid reporter can see to describe the scene."

 

     "Chunker, you dumb s**t, who in the hell are you talking to? There's just us, and you do know that that microphone isn't even plugged in, and we're in a space ship flying at the speed of light away from Earth, don't you?" said Wally Shore, sarcastically.

 

     Chunker continued like he hadn't even heard, "Earth, are you getting this? I--hold on, some aliens have just entered the room."

 

     The three others whirled around and look behind them, in the direction Chunker was looking. Sure enough, two three-foot tall aliens had waddled into the room. The first surprised actor to find his voice, Wally Shore, piped up with, "Take us to your leader!" The other actors just stared at him in confusion. "What, haven't you guys ever seen a sci-fi movie? I know it's what the alien usually says, but I figured why not beat them to the punch?"

The aliens were waving laser-guns at them, which they held in their tiny little claws, gesturing towards the four chairs with the surgical instruments attached.

 

     "No way, I ain't sitting there so you can perform god-knows-what experiments on me!" spoke up Dale Sampson. A series of agitated guttural clicks were uttered by one of the aliens, and he, she, or it, again gestured towards the chairs. "No way!" yelled Sampson. The alien shrugged his shoulders, and shot him with the laser-gun, and what had formerly been Dale Sampson was reduced to a steaming gelatinous pile, part of which  was dripping off the dials surrounding the chair, and the chair itself. Then he turned to the shocked three remaining radio actors, and again waved them towards the chairs. All three sat down quickly.

    "I don't know if you're getting this, but it appears they intend to do some experiments on u--holy s**t!" The alien had picked up about a 10 inch needle, and was bending over him. So ended the non-broadcast, as he emitted a loud soul-shaking scream, and the other two, upon seeing that, also started screaming.

 

The End