The First Day of Adult Pre-School!

Remember how awkward?

     "Settle down, children, my name is Mr. O'Reilly,

and I'd like to welcome you to 'Unbelievable S**t School for In-Breeders'.. In this class, we're going to learn our ABC's, to count to ten, and---"

 

     "Excuse me, sir, but to what children are you referring?"

 

     "Why, you, of course."

 

     "Sir, all of us are college graduates who were recently hired by this network, not pre-schoolers, or kindergarteners."

 

     "True enough, but college taught you in the ways of the real world, not cable news. You need to be broken of some bad habits before we put you on the air."

 

     "What, like reporting facts?"

 

     "Exactly--facts, shmacts! Our viewers don't give a rat's a*s about what's true, they tune in to our station in between malt liquors to have their ludicrous assertions verified, and that's what we give them. See, were in the entertainment business.

 

     "Oh, you mean like Big Time Wrestling?"

 

     "Mr. O'Reilly said a bad word!"     

 

     "Hey, let's get one thing straight, you interrupting little b*****d, this is MY show, and I'll say any damn thing I want, okay there, pinhead? In answer to the d********g who asked the question, well, not that real, but yeah."

 

     "You're shitting me?"

 

     "No, I'm not 'shitting' you, and with that kind of attitude, maybe cable news isn't for you , and I've got a nasty secret to let you in on. None of the other stations are much better. They all put their own slant on the news. Sure, we're probably the most extreme case, but we're all basically entertainment, not news "

 

     "They both said a bad word."

 

     "Shut it, pinhead!"

 

     "But, my Mom's not due to pick me up for another seven and a half hours, do you have a play room I could wait in?"

 

     "Yeah, we call it the lunch room, but yeah, we do--it's through that door and down the hall--it's marked 'Men's" on the door, but it's the lunch room, honest--would I lie?"

 

The End