The Mongoring of Earth!

An alien tale!

    

     "Fire the laser!" screamed Commander Dallow Trog, and with those three words, the mongoring of the pain-in-the-cular blue-green, rather insignificant backwater orb the natives called Earth, was assured. Trog had been chomping at the bit to do something. His superiors had ordered him to 'watch and observe', but they weren't the ones out here, eating freeze-dried Suck-Headed Pallonium Dogs, and nothing else, for weeks, while 'watching and observing' the alien vermin who occupied this Dorg-forsaken planet, a planet of no use to anybody, which happened to stand right in the way of the hyper-tube they were building. His superiors had wanted to change their plan, but Commander Trog had argued 'Screw that! Mongor their culars!' To go several narowbians out of their way, to go around Earth to build the wormhole and let an insignificant bunch of moaseed gummers dictate the actions of The Porkovians, the most powerful civilization in this quadrant of space? Who cares what a bunch of dongers wanted? For them to be allowed to stand in the way of mighty Porkovia was unthinkable, laughable really. Since they'd been 'watching and observing' the transmissions emanating from the land mass and city they'd been monitoring, they had seemed to suggest the inhabitants were seriously thinking, rather loudly, about electing a crude-sounding, egotistical guy as president, the political version of hitting yourself in the face, to shut your brain up.   

 

******

 

     "I said fire!" screamed Commander Trog. 1st Officer Goodber swiveled in his chair from Weapons Control and replied,

 

     "Sir, there's something wrong with the laser-cannon, she's not responding to my command."

 

     "Son of a bilbo!" shouted Commander Trog in frustration. He knew this was bound to happen, when the contract to build them was given to 'Nepo-E', the corporation owned by Supreme Leader Fancar's son-in-law. "Well, Goodber, get it fixed, yesterday!"

 

     "Yes, sir," he replied, and headed for the weapons room, wondering what he was supposed to do, cark-tape them? 

 

******

 

     As a mumbling 1st Officer Goodber walked quickly by him, on his way to the weapons room, Trog gave him a withering stare, like he was personally responsible for the laser failure. This is Waldorhoff! Trog thought. It was always something. The Bad Luck Dorgs were conspiring against him to keep him here, indefinitely. Why, the---his thought was interrupted by a hail from the communications officer. "No now, Spow!" he snapped irritably.

 

     "But sir, I have an urgent message incoming from Alien Intelligence."

 

     "Oh, very well--on screen."

 

     The face of Mastart Sporlok, the head of AI, as it was known, suddenly stared down from on high, "Greetings, Commander Trog, I trust you are well?"

 

     Yeah, yeah, cut the bylizon, huh?  "Sporlok, you old Halitor, what's up?"

 

     Sporlok glared at him from the screen, but decided to let the shocking lack of respect go, after all, they had been in space for quite a while--he supposed he'd be a little dickish, too, "Change to your orders. The Supreme Leadership Council, after carefully monitoring your video feed from Earth, have decided to go ahead with the proposed detour around Earth."

 

     "What? Why, surely these slope-headed idiots shouldn't be allowed to tark with Porkovia?"

 

     "Commander, this is the will of the counsel."

 

     "So, we're just going to leave, just like that?" sputtered an irate Commander Trog.

 

     "No, they've decided that the city you've been monitoring, the place known as Washington, DC, should be obliterated as a sign of goodwill to the people of Earth. Surely with this gesture, the people will be grateful, and we can then use their goodwill to our advantage."

 

     Commander Trog immediately was somewhat mollified. At least they would get to blow something up. "Very well, Sporlok, it shall be done."

 

     "Okay, Commander, I'll leave you to it--this is Sporlok, signing off," and his 30-ft. tall face disappeared from the screen, and was replaced with a view of Earth.

 

     Trog shook his head in disagreement with his orders, and shouted, so Goodber could make no mistake it was aimed at him, "You heard the man--I want that laser fixed, and ready to fire. The sooner we can blow the waste of intelligence up, the sooner we can get home and be laying on the beaches at Trivoltor, with an ice cold Bardomian Ale in our hands."

 

******

 

     "Ready to fire, Commander!" announced 1st Officer Goodber, a couple of hours later.

 

     Finally! thought Commander Trog, "What was the trouble--err--never mind, Prepare to fire on my command," then after a short delay, "fire!"

                             The End

 

Reviews

[Greg Agee]

A fun read. Very well written. Thank you for sharing !

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much, Greg!

[terry smith]

like your imagination and satirical whit....nicely done.

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much, Terry!

[Valentine]

Comical the names used. Valentine

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much, Valentine!

[Ellen Kolman]

Really fun story.......very creative and I enjoyed the homages from other Alien shows that have been popular...well done

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much, Ellen!

[dan]

Michael, A nice fantasy write with a rather ironic look at the state of affairs in DC. If it is to be blown up, please spare the great restaurants in Georgetown? I usually don't review such long writes due to a disability, and I don't usually like fantasy pieces, but this held me from the get-go and pulled me along behind, exhaust fumes be damned! A very impressive write. take care...dan

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you, Dan, and I'm disabled also, due to a car accident/coma, my eyes don't work together, so I don't read much--how does that effect me to avoid WRITING novels, I don't know, but it must!

[dan]

I've got two mental health disorders that rob me of concentration and focus on longer writes. This was hard but I read it four times...difficult due to fantasy words too. Nice writing. take care...dan

[Michael Stevens]

Well, I appreciate it, Dan, I know how hard that was for you!

[justdandy]

This is really good. I like the battley feel that it gives you. Maybe you can write a book upon this .

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much--I'm too damn lazy to write a book, though--I'm looking for an ending as soon as I write the title!

[softlyfall]

Son of a bilbo, pass that pipe!
The Republican Apocalypse is rapture!

[Michael Stevens]

Yep, The Republican Apocalypse just about sums it up!