The Big Future Election Special!

The 2016 election is old news--how about the 2020 one?

"Welcome to the 2020 Presidential Playoffs Pre-Pre-Kickoff Special!

Presented by Greasola Cooking Oil

Greasola,--the Exxon Valdes of Cooking Oils!

 

     "Hello there, and welcome to the 2020 Presidential Playoffs, presented with limited actual content by Greasola Cooking Oil--I'm you host--oops, they're telling me it's time for a commercial break, so please stay tuned. The 2020 Presidential Playoff Pre-Pre Kickoff Special will be right back after a quick break."

 

     "And, we're clear."

 

     "S**t, more of the same political B.S."

 

     "Bard, you are sick of it, I am sick of it, but the viewers can't get enough."

 

     "Well, then they must be well below normal on the IQ meter. Anybody with half a brain can tell we just regurgitate, and speculate, and then re-regurgitate, and re-speculate all fricking day, and all fricking night, all fricking week long, and I, for one, am sick of it!"

 

     "Bard, calm down, and remember what pays for your--oops, back from commercial in five, four, three, two, one--go!"

 

     "Welcome back to The 2020 Presidential Pre-Pre Kickoff Spectacular, I'm you host, Bard Histogram, and for the next sixteen hours, I'll be--oh, I'm sorry, The Kickoff Special--I'll be taking you through speculation about possible candidates who may be thinking about running for president in 2020, since we've already talked the 2016 election into the dirt. I'll ask the tough questions, like will an unqualified person, like reality star Dirk Trojan, from the hit reality show, 'Let's Hook Up,' run for president in 2020? It might sound ludicrous, but if I'd have told you that The Donald would be leading in the polls to date, would you have believed me? So, ludicrous or not, we owe it to you, the--the--delusional dip-shi--" "Hey! What's the big idea?"

 

     "We had to cut you off, and go to a commercial break. Another was only 30 seconds away, anyhow, so..."

 

     "Well, isn't this a slap on the old anchor-a*s! Come on, I certainly can't be the only one who thinks this non-stop political coverage is just plain bullshit?"

 

     "Of course it is, Bard, but for one of our news anchors to say it--well--it just isn't done, and, our ratings are a monster. Your job is to keep on flogging and wring every ounce of interest out of the bloated loser hole that is the 2016 presidential campaign, and now the 2020 race, also."

 

    "Oh, you're shitt--the hell with it, you know what? I quit, you can find a new living sock-puppet to read this repetitive drivel!"

 

******

 

     "And, we're back. As some of our more aware of reality viewers will have noticed, I'm---oh, who am I kidding? We have no aware of reality viewers--I'm not Bard Histogram--Bard had to get his a*s off the--err--was suddenly called away--this is Mel Spooner, and I'll be your new..."

 

******

 

  "...and be sure to stay tuned for The 2020 Presidential Playoff Pre-Kickoff Special, with begins right after a quick break."

 

The End