The Zoo Tour, 2112!

Zoo tour in the distant future!

The Zoo Tour, 2112!!

 

     "If you'll look out the right side of the tram, right in front of you, you'll see the descendants of the beasts known as 'The Republican Presidential Candidates.' These unhinged candidates once roamed the Earth in numbers too big to comprehend, but beginning in 2008, and gradually increasing in frequency of rate, they went extinct, or almost. These you see before you are all that are left from the once-plentiful herds. They banded together in large groups for protection, but it soon became apparent that this wasn't going to protect them from natural predators, such as common sense--it all was to no avai--hey people in the back, I must warn you to not tease these creatures, as they're very unstable mentally, and may lash out at who they consider their tormentors. Ma'am, ma'am, what did I just get through telling you? I'm going to have to insist you stop running that stick along the fence. If you cannot act in a more civilized manner, please, I'll be forced to eject you from this tram.

 

 

     Sir, sir, yes, you in the checked sports jacket, didn't I ask you remove your press hat, as I cannot guarantee the safety of our party. If they even suspect you're with the press, they'll, well, for lack of a better term, go ape s**t. They consider anyone from the press as hostile, and a pawn for the liberal left, and may attack at any moment. That's why we had each of you signed that release form, saying The Zoo Tour is not responsible for any unforeseen limb loss, or other such occurrenc---sir, yes you with the thermometer, please remove your lab coat. I didn't notice you before we left. Can I assume you're some kind of scientist? Yes? The only thing they hate worse than the liberal press, is a scientist. I know it's hard to understand now, with the deserts covering most of the planet, and sea levels flooding many of our coastal cities, and making many uninhabitable, but they refused to believe in climate change, and not only hated the scientists who started warning us of dire consequences, they ridiculed and made jokes about them."

 

     "I'll now answer two questions you may have, as that's about all the time I have, before the sun goes down, and the zoo staff feed the creatures their red meat. Yes, you, the lady in the back row."

 

     "Yes, I've been studying their history, and I find it mind boggling that they once threatened to take away healthcare for millions. Was this true, or is it jut an urban myth? Obama-Care is now such a staple of our society--they must have been monsters!"

 

     "Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that. Greedy? Misguided? I think those would be more accura--oh, you're right, there's no other way to describe them, monsters! It was a time of kill or be killed. One more, how about you Sir? Yes, you, in the old-fashioned suit."

 

     "Oh, I just thought I'd dress in the early 21st century style, to get more in touch with what the ancestors' mindset must have been. It's just so hard, because they were so unfeeling."

 

     "And is it working? Are you more in touch with the ancients' mindset?"

 

     "Not really--how anyone could be so heartless about the fate of their fellow man is just too hard for me to comprehend."

 

     "Would you like to ask a question?"

 

     "Oh, yes, I got so upset thinking about it--my question is this--I understand they did all they could to make it harder for minorities to vote, so they could cling to power, being an almost all-white species. Wouldn't it have been easier to adjust their platform to better fit the changing times?"

 

     "An excellent question, one that has long perplexed historians. You have to understand, this was a particularly-hard-headed group of desperate politicians, who, even in the face of undeniable evidence to the contrary, failed to sense the shift of in the mood of the electorate, and clung to their outmoded, backwards thinking. I suppose it's only natural to want your life not to radically change, but, in answer to your question, yes, the sensible thing to do would have been to adapt, but, these were not sensible candidates."

 

     "I can't imagine!",

 

     "It's sad, really!",

 

     "I guess they were the Neanderthals of politics--their branch of politics went the way of the Dodo Bird."

 

     "Hey, why is there a statue shaped like an automatic weapon in their cage?"

 

     "Oh, that's there because it seems to calm and soothe them--we're not sure why.

 

     Settle down, everyone! I know it's upsetting and unbelievable to think of, but just remember this, they were a very-real species. I know it's not a pleasant thing to think our own relatives could have been fooled into following their barbaric beliefs, but it happened, and it's part of our unsavory past."

 

     "Hey, why is that one standing by itself, over against that rock wall?"

 

     "Oh, that one is a direct descendant of a self-absorbed, particularly mean Old Republican Candidate named Donald Trump. Their ancestors hated him, and that hate was so strong, it was passed down from generation to generation, until today, sort of an inherited reflex, or at least that's our scientists best guess. It, like so much of the Old Republicans thought process, is impossible to understand, so we're left to guess at the reasons."

 

     "Well, we'd better be heading back now, before the sun goes down. Believe me, you wouldn't want to be caught out here after dark. If you think they're dangerous-looking now, if they sense you presence, fence or no fence, they'll come after you. They revert to an even more primitive state, if you can believe that.

 

     Be sure to stop by our concession stand, and pick up a 'I Survived Viewing The Old Republican Candidates Habitat, At The Zoo!" tee-shirts. Or, you can buy a postcard with The Old Republican Presidential Candidate Habitat on it, to send to all your non-believing friends!"

 

The End

 

 

 

    

 

    

         

Reviews

[dan]

"Sir, one more quick question if you don't mind. Do you think it's fair to say that Charles Darwin is doing somersaults in his grave; that this Trump sub-species is a classic case of Reverse-Evolution? Can you comment on that please?"
Michael, this is some of the best political satire I've read in years. GREAT job! One little question, how did you arrive at the year 2112? My favorite band, Rush, has an album by that name. Thanks for the giggles. take care...dan

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks, Dan, I think you may be on to something, Trump as a subset of say, Humanity--the 'what went wrong?' subset. "He was developing normally, then suddenly, and without warning, his head expanded to astronomical proportions, and is still expanding. We have never seen anything remotely like it, and, my god, we can't stop it!" signed, Science. And yes, I picked that number because of Rush--awesome band they were. I guess Neil Peart hung 'em up, so I assume they're retired!

[dan]

Aww, man I hadn't heard about Neil Peart. That's disappointing. In my opinion, though, he will go down in rock history as the greatest drummer ever. Thanks for the write-back, and again, tremendous satire, a lost art! take care...dan

[Michael Stevens]

Sorry to be a bummer for you--yeah, he was THE best!

[ANTO]

I really liked this Michael. This election has seen you come into your own IMHO. Great satire. I love it. The interrupted speech to chastise the press guy and the stick lady was brilliant. Put the reader right there in the bus. Nicely done.
This may make you popular. People may vote for this. How does that make you feel? lol

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks, Anto, I'm glad you liked it, and as far as making me more popular, judging by a couple of ant-good comments I've received on other writing sites, I would tend to doubt it, at least on the Republican side--on the flip side, if I've upset a few Republicans, I've done my job!

[ANTO]

Satire has always tickled me funny. Good job.

[Michael Stevens]

Thank, Anto--I'm glad, because 98.543 of my stuff is satire!

[ANTO]

precisely.... :))