More Galloping Gertiss!

The continuing adventures of a cartoon horse!

 

From last post:

 

 

     "Oh, it's you," she spit into the receiver, "I'm under strict orders that if you were to call, I'm to do this!" and suddenly he was listening to a dial tone--she had hung up. 

 

     "Mother fuc--" and before he finished the curse word, he slammed the receiver down, but that apparently failed to satisfy his blinding rage because before he had time to think about it, he hurled the phone, right towards his specially-installed picture window, which promptly exploded, and shattered glass, and along with the hapless phone, it flew out into the grass. And, because in was the middle of February, it allowed the freezing sleet-filled air to hit him with an arctic blast.

 

     "Sheet-o-dear!" he screamed, and looked bleakly out into his yard, that was now covered with broken glass. As frozen rain, in the form of ice pellets, stung his face, he hopelessly screamed at the sky, "Now what?"

 

 

******

 

New post:

 

     'What' turned out to be setting up a meeting with 'Medium Studios' which was named, not for it's size, but because the woman owner claimed to be able to speak with the dead. Gertiss thought that was bullshit, but he wasn't in a position to be choosy. If he had to deal with a loony tunes, at least she was a powerful loony tunes. He entered the big white corporate headquarters building, and replied to the questioning receptionist, who was a dubious-looking dude, who had asked him if he needed help,

 

     "Yes, I have a 2 pm appointment with Madam Curry."

 

     "Oh, of course, she'll be with you in a moment--she's on a call, but she's  expecting you."

 

     "I'll just sit over here and wait," and he walked to the comfortable-looking, and expensive-looking, chairs that lined the walls. He thought they must be doing well. Being an animated horse, he had no trouble sitting like a person, although his butt was a tight squeeze. He sat next to a kindly-looking older woman with white hair.

 

     "Hello, I'm Gertiss," he said, and the woman held out her hand and said,

 

     "Oh, hello, nice to meet you, my name is Mrs. Dobson, Florence Dobson,"

 

     Gertiss shrugged, and held up his hoof. She immediately withdrew her hand, and continued speaking, "and I'd know you anywhere, I used to watch, "The Amazing Adventures of Galloping Gertiss" every Saturday morning. Would it be too much to ask for your autograph?"

 

     Gertiss looked at her and thought, an adult watching kid's cartoons? O-kay!. Again, he held up his hoof and shrugged, saying, "Sorry, no thumbs. I'm flattered that you know me, though. If you don't mind me asking, what is the screenplay you've written?"

 

     "Oh, no, I'm here to see if Madam Curry can contact my late Harold."

 

     "Oh, I'm so sorry about the passing of your husband."

 

     "Oh, thank you, but he's not dead, and he's not my husband. We've just been shagging like rabbits, he works here, and I haven't seen him for days. I was hoping Madam Curry could have better luck calling him. Yeah, I'm pissed, but I thought, 'maybe it's just me whose calls he's ducking.' There's other fish in the sea, but I'd like to know he's alright."

 

     Gertiss was stunned, and replied somewhat hesitantly, "Ah--good luck with that!" and the next few minutes passed in blessed silence. And so, it was with relief that he sprang out of the chair when the male receptionist called his name and announced that Madam Curry was still on the phone, but if he'd like, he could go in and wait. The chair came up also, because he was wedged in, and clattered to the hard wood flooring. He turned to Mrs. Dobson, about to say goodbye, when the sweet old lady shocked him by speaking first.

 

     "Oh, fine, never mind that I was here first, and the arthritis in my hip is killing me, by all means, call the dip-s**t cartoon horse first. I'll just sit here pounding my pud!"

 

     Gertiss forgot quickly about saying goodbye and followed the on-the-phone receptionist's pointing finger toward an office door to the right of an atrium, stuffed with living plants, and, when he arrived, knocked gently upon it. "Come in," sounded a voice from within. He had much practice holding a beer, and he used the acquired talent to grasp the knob and enter.

 

    He saw a 40-ish woman with dark hair, who was pointing at him with one finger held aloft, that he assumed wasn't flipping him off, as it was the index finger, but that she'd be with him in one minute. He saw a chair against the wall and sank down into it. He couldn't help but hear the one-sided conversation. "Yes, Mrs. Douglas, your husband is here,"

 

     Gertiss looked around, and saw no one, "and he says to tell you that he's at peace, and that he's looking forward to the time when you're together again. Now, about your payment--what's that? Yes, he's quite a handsome fellow. Now, about the paym--what? Well, that does seem like a rather odd question." Madam Curry listened with a rather disgusted look on her face, and finally said, "Well, if it's proof you want, I'll ask him. Ah, your wife wants me to ask what was you favorite meal, which you asked her to make almost every night? It was? Okay, Mrs. Douglass, he says it was steak." The dialog continued, and Gertiss could tell Madam Curry was getting more and more agitated, until she spoke, "Oh yeah? Well, I must say, Mrs. Douglas, being married to such a narrow-minded shrew, he's probably better off dead! Hello? Hello, Mrs. Douglas?" and she slammed the receiver down hard, causing Gertiss to flinch. She then turned to him and said,

 

     "Hello, Gertiss, won't you have a seat? Sorry, but our stall is in the shop!"

 

     Boy, how long did it take you to come up with that? Original! "Hello, Madam Curry, and I appreciate your agreeing to see me."

 

     "By all means--coffee, tea, a handful of freshly-cut grass? Eh, ha, ha!"

 

     Funny human, s**t! thought Gertiss, "Ha, did anyone ever tell you you're funny? Hilarious, in fact! No, I think I'm good--I've been trying to lay of the gut-mulch--a horse had got to keep his figure, you know!"

 

     "Fine, tell me, Mr. Ed, what can I do for you today?"

 

     Ah, Mr. Ed, woo! "Well, as you no doubt have heard by now, I was let go by 'Gigantic', and I was hoping to convince you to put me back on the air. Mine is a bankable name in the T.V. biz."

 

     "Mmm--so you want us to bankroll a new show?"

 

     Give the woman a gold star! "Ah, yes, I think we can help each other out. I get a new show, and you get my name, which translates into lots of money for this network."

 

     "Well, I must say, from what I've seen, your ratings went down the old shitter-roo lately. I don't suppose that had any bearing on 'Gigantic's' decision to drop you?"

    

     S**t, is this woman dense--smart, but dense. She ought to throw her hat into the presidential candidate's ring!  "No, I think it was more a disagreement about where I wanted to take the show--you know, my creative vision."

 

     She seemed to think about that for a second, and then replied, "Well, I'll tell you what I'd like to see. In my professional opinion, I've been thinking about a variety show, to include sketch comedy, and musical numbers. Would that be something that interests you?"

 

     F**k! "Absolutely! That's what I wanted to do with my show, but 'Gigantic' disagreed."

 

     "Great! Let me talk to some people, and hopefully, you'll be signing a new contract and be back on the air."

 

     He held up his hoof, shook his head, and replied, "That's a problem."

 

     She immediately saw the problem, "Well, I mean put your hoof print on the dotted line, then."

 

     Fab-u-fricking-lous!

Reviews

[Stan Lee]

*giggle* The dialogue is brilliant and letting us know what Gertiss is thinking is most of all. Hilarious. His attitude kinda reminds me of someone like Jeremy Clarkson. Obnoxious but in a funny way that I just cant get enough of. Thanks for giving us some more Galloping Gertiss brilliance - let me know if there are any more sequels ;)

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much, and I certainly will!