What the Hell IS THAT?

Poem purist? Keep moving!

Looking for the remote, imagine my surprise,

 when I find instead, several petrified French fries,

 

$1.57 in loose change, that'll come in handy

at week's end, when I'm almost broke, and living on candy

 

left over from Halloween, and a blob of something

I have no idea--it shall remain nameless--I bring

 

my discoveries up into the cold light of day,

but do you think I could find the remote, no way!

 

So I've no choice but to plunge back into the realm

of the unknown--the desire to heave almost overwhelms.

 

But other than a few un-popped popcorn kernels, my hand

emerges empty--no remote, like I'd hoped and planned.

 

Now what? In desperation, I look around the room.

I thought sure the remote I'd exhume.

 

Then, I see it on the damned T.V. stand over there.

How did I miss seeing it? I look at my hand, and just stare.

 

So, touching all that gross s**t was totally not necessary?

On the flip side, it'll buy lots of cheap beer for me!