'Handy-Mate 5000'!

The new 'love' app!

 "In the modern world, we're expected to move at near the speed of light, and a lot of things have an app for your I-Phone, to help you get things done faster. The one thing that still requires hands-on participation is love and marriage, right? Well, not any more! Introducing 'The Handy-Mate App 5000', the first and only app available for your I-Phone. Imagine, love at the touch of a button! No more time wasted with small talk and having to buy them an expensive dinner (also available, 'The Cheap Chow App,' that'll tell you at the touch of a button, where to go to get good food*

  

  *Depends on if your definition of 'good', is cheap!

 

   And, for your physical needs, comes with a 'vibrate' feature. Simply enable it, drop the phone down your pants, and in three minutes, physical needs--"check'! So don't slow down and wait for them, take them with you, with the new 'Handy-Mate 5000'!"