"Don't Be A Loser Dick"!

Learn From The Best--and only!

*"Hello, I'm Donald Trump--you may know me from almost non-stop saturation coverage on T.V. as a candidate for president, or the reality show 'Celebrity Dickhead.' If you're watching this commercial, you're almost certainly a loser, although you can't help it--comparing your pathetic excuse of a life to my incredible one, it's no wonder. I can't help you with being a dick, and you don't want any--after all, just look where being a dick got me, but there's no reason you have to be a loser, also. I'm here today to offer my skills as a businessman to you, so that you can bullshit your way into getting what you want, even if what you want is a joke, my revolutionary 'Don't Be a Loser Dick'! This $450 per person seminar, in which I'll share my secret of saying anything to keep your name in the headlines, even if it sounds like you're taking a ride on 'The Offensive Bullshit Express to Crazy Town,' is your best, and probably your only, chance to become a non-loser. 

But hurry, this seminar is only offered while I have your nuts in a vice. Either I lose the election in a landslide, leaving the Republican Party in disarray, or fool enough other losers like you to become president. Regardless of the outcome, I'll be too busy to worry about your loser a*s. If I lose, I win, because I'm going to start my own Network, and God knows there's plenty of idiots who'll pay top dollar to listen to me rant my unbelievably-insane theories, much like Fox News. So, send $450 to 4257 Trump Fairway Parkway, Trump City, Florida, and learn how to get what you want, today!"

*The Republican Party is in no way connected to this self-promotional bullshit

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