Beer-Mare!

Horrible beyond words, at least my words!

I once had a dream that filled me with terror,

more awful than you can imagine--in fact, a Beer-Mare!

Imagine, if you will, being surrounded by cans,

ice water dripping down the sides, they're so cold, and

they're all sealed at both ends, with no way

to get at the golden nectar--and you've had the day

from Hell--all you want is to maybe watch a movie.

You purposely avoid the news, because all you see

is a constant drum beat of 'be afraid,

scared of your own shadow--it's a 'fear arcade!'

You sit in your recliner, open the case

you just got from the fridge, and the look your face

must be terrible indeed, for the b******s are welded shut,

In your despair, because, understandably, you're off your nut,

you break into song, "Ninety-nine bottle of beer on the wall,

ninety nine bottles of beer--you take one down,

ready to chug to town, but ain't no way in to the b***h, at all!"

You're totally bummed, your agony face must be bleached white,

you just can't imagine a more nightmarish night.

You wake up screaming, in a puddle of sweat,

walk with dread to the fridge, in desperation, you get

out a can, and see the pull-tab, and rejoice to the sky,

for in was only a Beer-Mare--tonight won't be dry!