Tweet Dump

Our fearless leader!

From Celebrity Rich Guy, and President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, "Just a quickie this morning, I'll be going straight from here to my office, where I'll be holding your nuts in a vice, because I'm powerful, believe me, so powerful, because, and no one's more surprised than me, I'm the president, the president; sad--oops, I thought I was talking about Arnold replacing me, and driving the Celebrity Apprentice bus right off a f*****g cliff; without me, that show is nothing, believe me; if I was still on it, the ratings would be huge, now it should be called 'Loser Apprentice'."

"Okay, you know what the loser press is saying about me? They're claiming that I'm pissed because I didn't win the popular vote, well, I did win, or I would have, if thousands illegals who're also prisoners hadn't been allowed to vote 37 times each, and then bused in by the Democrats, across state lines, so they could cast illegal votes in neighboring states---"

From reporter Ken Philyaw, of L.A. Investigating Magazine--"President Trump, that didn't happen. May I remind you that if they're illegals, they'd be deported, and even if for some reason they were incarcerated here, they're prisoners, in order to board buses so they could vote illegally in other states, they'd have to be under armed guard constantly, a highly wasteful, and highly unlikely occurrence."

Donald J. Trump--"I'm telling you, everybody knows about it, the liberal media, and they're fake, by the way, is covering it up, just like the Atlanta, Bowling Green, Madison, Wisconsin, Albany New York, and Rapid City, South Dakota nerve gas/ IUD/poison dart/skin peeler attacks, I mean, you've got thousands of skinless people staggering around, yelling, "Help me! Please, help me!", and yet, nothing, the fake media does nothing, shows nothing, and why? To make me look bad; sad, very sad!"

Ken Philyaw, "Bullshit!"

Donald J Trump, I'll order the National Guard to bulldoze your house to the ground, 'cause I'm the most powerful man on the face of the Earth; I can do that, you sad, sad..."

From the doorway, "Ah, excuse me, Sir."

"What is it? This had damn well be important, Cheeves!"

"Ah, the name's Priebus, Sir, and it's time to start your presidential day."

"I knew it, I said important, I'll have your job for this; 'cause I can do that, I'm very powerful; extremely powerful, so powerful!"

"Yes, Sir, now might I suggest we go to your office? Here, put these pants on."

"Oh, okay, but I'm not going to wear pants, that's where I draw the line; yeah, I'm making an executive decision; I can do that; cause I'm the most powerful man in the world!"

"Yes, Sir, shall we go?"

As the president walks out the door towards his office, Priebus lags behind, and, shaking his head, mumbles under his breath, "President? Sad, very sad!"