The Cheeto Who Would Be King!

The unbelievable true story of a one-time snack!

There once was a Cheeto who wanted to be a dude,

instead of empty calories, who was just a snack food.

And so, Little Pho-Chedder, who refused to study 

hard at all,

left safety and his friends and paid a doctor's office a 

call.

With a crowbar, and a mask over what passed for his 

face,

in the wee hours, he emptied every bit of grow-

juice, and fled the place.

He holed up in a dumpy hotel, and injected the 

human growth steroids,

and while he waited to grow, he studied Polaroid 

after Polaroid,

of what he thought were everyday people, but were 

in fact, mug-shots.

And so, he developed a natural sneer, and knew he'd 

have to buy hair, lot's

and lots. But that was a problem, the color he 

needed didn't occur in nature,

so at first, he didn't look too good, resembling a 

smiling Hannibal Lecter.

But he worked and worked, still refused to study, and 

he grew and grew,

until he'd pass muster with everyone, and by the 

time he was through,

he began to have delusions of grandeur, and 

developed quite a chip on his shoulder.

He grew arrogant, his once-modest plans grew bolder 

and bolder,

until by the time he checked out, he knew exactly 

what he wanted,

to be President of the United States, and so he kept 

on undaunted.

When he paid a surprise visit to his former home bag,

his fellow Cheetos laughed and ragged, and 

continued to rag,

saying,'What? Not a good or smart idea, there, 

Sherlock!'

So Pho-Cheeto boy became enraged and crushed 

them with a rock.

He was so much better than they'd ever hope to be,

he's show them, well, their powder anyway--he

filed papers, entered the race, and wouldn't change 

for anyone,

and his every utterance, he figured would end his 

presidential run,

but much to his amazement, some voters didn't seem 

to care.

His macho posturing and arrogant blustering only 

seemed to deepen their

infatuation with him, he could do no wrong, and he 

started to rightly believe

he didn't have to behave in a normal way, that the 

voters wouldn't perceive

he was just a hapless little snack food, fresh from 

the bag, who didn't have a clue

about anything, but he learned quick he could cover 

anything with bluster, and do

and say anything, and nothing would stick to him--he 

was made of Teflon.

And suddenly, the little Cheeto from the wrong side 

of the bag, found his con

had propelled him to the highest, most powerful 

office in the land,

He controlled the fate of millions in his oversize 

hands.

What was once a distant dream of a glory hound 

cheese puff

became a frightening, yet satisfying, reality, sure 

enough!

Reviews

[Tony Jordan]

A classic in the making Mike.
I hate the smell of those cheetos on my fingers - here they are called Wot-sits. Makes me think of how some world leaders might not like the smell of their hands after shaking hands with our boy here.
xD

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks, Tony, and I agree--hell, I don't like my eyes after watching him--they feel like they need to be sterilized!

[Tony Jordan]

hold that sterilising - save yourself some money - the whole planets gonna be irradiated soon - that'll sort your eye problems out.

[Michael Stevens]

I'm afraid the way things are going, you're right on!

[Tony Jordan]

Noooo - you're supposed to say - Nah! Good sense will prevail ... *shaking now*
lol

[Michael Stevens]

Well, slap my a*s and call me Sally, but I am seeing encouraging signs that The Dumper's learning that you can't just be a dick and bulldoze your way through. It remains to be seen if he continues that way, or reverts to being a dick, and a dumb one. I didn't think he'd ever change, and I'm not ready to move him off my 'worst president we've ever had' list just yet, but...a guy can hope!?