Dear Winifred, Sept. 8

(Bad) advice column

Dear Winifred; judging by you latest picture, I think someone got too much sun on vacation, your new picture reminds me of 'The Mummy's Still Cursed' that just came out, ha, ha ha!--signed Cattle Wrangler Jim"

Dear Cattle Prod Jim; I suppose that's your idea of funny? Well, I hate to break it to you, but, Jimbo, 'taint funny, just a desperate plea for attention by a pathetic loser; I can make up something off the top of my head that's funny. Let's see, there once was a cattle prod named Jim, who thought he was funny, who was, in reality, a dick! See, now THAT'S funny, f****r; signed Winifred

Dear Winifred, I was just messing with you.

Dear Cattle Prod; in case you are so stupid you haven't noticed, I don't take kindly to 'messing' with me, I'll lash out, after all, it's worked out for the lump of idiot some call our president.