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"Do you find yourself believing crazy s**t? Are people whispering the word "straitjacket" about you when they think you can't hear? Are you about to surrender to authorities because you've committed a criminal act? Is your life spiralling out of control because of these questions? Before you do something rational, might we suggest another, far easier solution; we're The Republican National Committee and we want you to get involved in government and run for office.

Why face the bleak reality of knowing you're bat-s**t crazy when you can put it to work for you and make a handsome living while you talk down and lie to voters? Those voters want to and will believe even the most ludicrous falsehoods you spew from your face-hole, simply because your a Republican! It's easy and fun seeing the world through eyes that operate on a 4th grade level. So, ensure your future and call The Republican National Committee today at 555-Spewage!"