Half Here, Half Gone

A quiet piece about feeling stuck between wanting to leave everything behind and still wanting to exist. No answers—just the weight of expectations, fear, and being lost.

I want to leave, but I also want to live.
like standing at the edge of something endless,
not knowing if it’s freedom
or just another fall.

They ask me, ‘What will you become?’
and the question echoes
louder than it should,
as if I owe the future an answer
I was never given.

I try to speak,
but the words feel unfamiliar.
like they belong to someone
who has a plan,
someone who isn’t me.

All I see is a blur ahead,
a road that refuses to take shape,
and I’m stuck here.
half expected to run,
half wishing to disappear.

I’m so tired.
Not in a way that sleep can heal,
but in a way that sits in my chest
and makes everything feel heavier
than it really is.

I don’t want success.
I don’t want recognition.
I don’t even want dreams anymore.
I just want silence.
a life without questions,
without expectations
breathing down my neck.

They look at me with hope,
and it feels like something
I have to carry,
something I might drop
and break beyond repair.

Because what if I try
and still fail?
What if I give everything
and it’s still not enough?
What if I am exactly
what I’m afraid of becoming?

Sometimes I wish
no one expected anything from me,
so there would be nothing to lose,
nothing to prove,
nothing to disappoint.

I think about leaving.
not loudly,
not dramatically,
just… quietly stepping away
from everything that asks too much of me.

And yet,
I’m still here.
Not because I’m strong,
not because I believe in anything.
but because I don’t know
how to let go either.

So I stay,
in this strange in-between,
where nothing feels right
and nothing fully ends.

I want to leave,
but I also want to live.
and I don’t know
which one of these
will win.

Author's Note

I’d appreciate honest feedback on how this feels emotionally and if the flow is natural. I’m trying to keep it raw and simple.

Reviews

[Michael Sun Bear]

“Just a girl trying to be a writer”. Oh believe me, you’re a writer. For a young person I think you write with great maturity.. This poem is lean, which I love, straightforward in clear word choice yet tells the story with such insightful lines that it is very interesting. I am 74, know that extreme weariness of body and of life, know the urge to quietly step away as you put it.

[Moonlight]

Thank you so much… this honestly means more than I can explain.
The fact that someone with so much life experience could feel my words like this—it really touched me.
I’m still trying to understand my own feelings, so hearing that they reached you makes me feel a little less alone.

[Chris Shaw]

A push and pull situation. It!s a dilemma, that only you will find an answer to. I reckon you aren’t ready to make a decision yet. I felt your inner turmoil here , you convey your feelings well. Good to read you. Keep writing.

Chris

[Moonlight]

Thank you so much, Chris.
You understood it exactly as I felt it… I’m still somewhere in that push and pull.
Your words really mean a lot 🤍

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome