All I Have Is This

A response to my poem “Half Here, Half Gone.” Just a quiet, honest answer from where I stand right now.

They ask me what I’ll do with my life,
what I want to become,
as if the answer is sitting somewhere
inside me, waiting to be found.

So here
this is my answer.

I wake up every day
already tired of a future
I haven’t even lived yet.

I sit with questions
that feel heavier than they should,
and no matter how I turn them,
they don’t become answers.

You ask me to dream,
but my mind doesn’t go that far
it stops somewhere between
fear and silence.

I don’t see a title,
a job,
a version of me standing proud.

I see…
uncertainty stretching endlessly,
and me.
standing in the middle of it,
with nothing in my hands.

You call it confusion.
I call it being lost
in a place where everyone else
pretends to know the way.

I’m not aiming for success,
or respect,
or anything that sounds good
when you say it out loud.

I’m just trying
to get through a day
without feeling like
I’m already falling behind.

And maybe this is the part
no one really wants to hear.

what I really want
isn’t a future you can name.

What I really want… is to live.

I just want to live.
Live without pain.
Live without expectations.
Live without pressure.

Just… live,
without feeling like
I’m doing it wrong.

So when you ask me
what I want to be.
this is all I have:

I want to be someone
who isn’t this tired,
someone who isn’t afraid
of questions like yours,
someone who doesn’t feel
like they’re failing
before they even begin.

But I’m not there.

And I don’t know
if I ever will be.

So if you’re waiting
for a clear answer,
for something neat and certain.

I’m sorry.

All I have is this:
I’m here…
and even that
feels unfinished.

Author's Note

This poem continues from my previous piece “Half Here, Half Gone.” I’d love feedback on the emotional flow and honesty.

Reviews

[Michael Sun Bear]

You really do write so well. I found this an excellent companion piece to the earlier poem. You are so open about yourself, and it makes for great writing. Well done you!