spoken heart

it spoke with out me knowing. i spoke my hearts truths for that one i have had all 17 years of a love that is unmeasurable.

how could i speak my hearts truths to you?! i come, and like every thing else, i ruin it. the way my heart has been for you and only you is painful, but it is not your fault. im not worthy of your spectacular elegant beauty. i find myself a masochist i take pleasure in my love pains for you that you do not want, but from another love you receive. I feel so happy with my pains, hope it stays. i would feel wrong and/or evil having you at my side, but you are my dream. i can not go on in this mask of mine, prying lies, hiding lines of mine to people's minds, in times. now that i have spoken my hearts thoughts, i leave with you, you decide the finale of my hearts rest. this love pains is more LOVE than any "woman" has ever given me. like the rest, i'am just a pest. be blessed, with my best, Belleza.

Author's Note

i recalled telling her once before about this but she said nay never discussed it. my heart, took over and spoke of how she had been my first and only love, all the others i have had i tried to replace her with them, but once again a fail like everything else in my life. if she abandons me i will be celibate abstinence, no more feminine for me. i give up on them; im out.