A Fool's Confession: How To Lose A Wife In Thirty Nine Years … Or Less

A Fool's Confession:

How To Lose A Wife In Thirty 

Nine Years … Or Less

… And Outsmart Your Own A*s In the Process …

Written By Marvin Thomas Cox Flynn

Copyright © 2019 Marvin Thomas Cox

DBA: Marvin Thomas Cox Flynn

All Rights Reserved

“Never doubt that fact is always stranger than

fiction, for there is no stranger fiction than those

memoir clips extracted painfully from the life

of a fool. Because hindsight is clarity of 20/20

vision obstructed by blind stupidity revealed

as you are looking back upon your life from

the smoldering ruins...” -- Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn

How to lose a wife in thirty nine years, or less? Be your self: Be the a*****e you are as a man who can, and make no effort to change. Example? When your wife does some little something to piss you off, or hurt your little manly feelings, retaliate with something brilliantly imaginative that inflicts far greater emotional pain of anguish upon her than she could ever imagine inflicting upon you. Something like ...

“You know b***h, they say that when God created Eve, he took one of Adam's ribs and created a woman … That's a f****n' bullshit lie! … The truth is, God started with an a*****e, and built a woman around it …!”

Immediately, she will walk away in sobbing tears and once alone -- while you savor your infliction of pain upon your wife in vengeance's victory -- in tear stained meditation of your unloving behavior, she will wipe away those tears in determined arrival of having come ever closer to being done, once and for all, with your sorry a*s, not to mention that smirk of a smile upon her face that, you take for a good mood but, is a revelation's contemplation upon the fact that you have hilariously outsmarted yourself in full fool's exhibition of your, moronically idiotic, egotistically conceited, ways. For she has enough sense -- women are tremendously more intelligent than men, especially in the common sense of practicalities department of essential application of word tone inflections -- to actually gasp the implications of every word you spouted in raving raging anger, without a second's worth of full forethought of what you were really saying to her, about yourself …

If God started with an a*****e -- you the macho man so pissed off busy being inventive in seeking some smart-a*s way of telling your wife that she is an a*****e -- who was that a*****e God built a woman around? A man: Adam … And we wonder why it is that our entire world revolves around a woman -- that woman we foolishly believed so stupid as to love us and dedicate her life to putting up with us. As Forrest Gump's mother is reputed to have said: “Stupid is, as stupid does!” In all your self professed genius, your, damn fool, mouth has proclaimed a never before discerned interpretation of Scripture -- perfectly and fittingly applicable to your behavior, and your treatment of your wife: God really did start with an a*****e, and mercifully built that a*****e's world around a woman who was loving, compassionate, and caring enough to become his wife ...

But, your dumb a*s will never have a glimmer of a rat's a*s clue as to what you have so accurately prophesied about yourself, until much later. And so, as that diarrhea mouthed loose cannon of a smart-a*s from hell that you are, you continued the expansion of your creative oratory skills of putting your wife in her proper place -- armed with malicious cruelty fueled by manly stupidity. Sooner or later, and it don't take much, she pisses you off, again, about some little thing, or other, and the s**t talking words just come puking forth out your pie hole …

“You know b***h, when you die, if you go to Hell, Satan is gonna up and move the f**k out!”

Once again, in oblivious mindlessness that she is fully aware of, you have spoken a word of profoundly discerned prophesy about yourself and your life -- never giving a moment's consideration to the gravity's implications of that which your mouth has so foolishly uttered, nor, to the fact that she might well consider it well worth going to hell, if she could just get your sorry a*s alone to poke and prod you as you squirm like a little b***h in the flames of your roasting worthless hide:

If there is a hell -- if anyone's going there, it will surely be you -- and if Satan should feel inclined to up and move out due to your wife being that evil b***h you cussed her as, when you were, both, alive, then, you will be left to face a woman's vengeance, alone and helpless, with no means of escape -- not even the hoped for prospect of a tiny twinge of understanding empathized sympathy from Satan or his entourage of demons, for where Satan goes, they likely follow, most especially if your wife truly was that evil b***h you made her out be in full blown fool's anger with your wife at the helm as that Queen of Hell you always claimed she was. And you whimpering, “Please honey, please don't!,” as the lines of English playwright and poet, William Congreve, come to hell's fruition of, “Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd, nor hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd” -- flat on your back upon that rack of her long awaited fury …!

Needless to say, I woke up Divorced not too many years later, when enough became enough and she was finally, really, done with my sorry a*s -- a full blown fool who had lost the only good thing I had ever had in my life -- bewildered and Led Zeppelin Dazed And Confused in stumbling over the cliff's demise of my own damn making ...

So, when you get to feeling all smug and uppity about how you've put your wife in her place, set things straight between you, and shut her a*s up -- think twice, brother, think twice and long and hard. Because, I was blessed to get a second go 'round with my wife, something very few men get a chance at in this life.

I wish I could say that I am a better man, kinder, more compassionate, more level headed, but, very likely she could point out to you that, that, ain't true -- yet.

What I will tell you is that I am a damn lucky man!

(Written February 20^th, 2019)

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Sometimes we just don’t appreciate what we have till it’s gone eh? Reflection can certainly churn up the past and make heavy reading. Marvin, you were very fortunate to get a second bite, and I do know that you truly appreciate that you had that opportunity. I also know that despite your smart a*s behaviour during your marriage, you loved her. Yes, you did. All best wishes to you.

Chris

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham]

Thank you so very much, Chris!

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome.