Bullies

This is pretty much what it's like.

They came. They came and destroyed everything. Nothing remained when they were finished. They tore down skyscrapers and ripped up gardens. From their lips came blue fire which spread like a plague. Then, when there was only a dream of a hope left, they took it and smothered it with lies much too believable. It has been six years and we are still picking up the pieces. We are pretty well put together now, but often we look at our rebuilt buildings and freshly planted flowers and are reminded of how fragile and weak they are. Will the skyscrapers ever be as strong as they were before the attack? Will the gardens ever be as bright? Everywhere we look, the fire and blood flash within our eyes. We will never be the same.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

poignant .. well done .. i like the personification of the buildings and gardens .. socially relevant theme to be sure ... things ...difficult things do happen in our lives .. and we are changed as a result .. our actions and reactions during such times make the difference ... bullying seems ingrained in the small minds of "growing up" ... i am of a different generation than you and in my "school" it was mostly among the boys .. but these days the young ladies can be even more vicious .. its a pity bullying happens .. and tragic when some take it all the way through their adult lives ... nice imaging in this .. easy flow .. blue fire lips .. like the plague .. fire and blood .. all strong images for me .. i noticed your avatar on a comment you made elsewhere and had not met you yet so decided to stop to read ... at 17 yrs. old you do very well to put your stories and poems on paper ...
E.

[Chellie]

Beautiful piece. It was very powerful and I enjoyed reading it.

[Leon C]

A nice piece. It had echoes of all sorts of things in recent history.

I loved the opening. It has a brilliant rhythm. There are a few clunky sentences that need to be polished a bit but they only notice because of the strength of the rest of it.

[Hogwarts]

Thank you. Which sentences in particular? :D

[Leon C]

'they took it and smothered it with lies much too believable' this felt a bit clunky
'We are pretty well put together now, but often we look at our rebuilt buildings and freshly planted flowers and are reminded of how fragile and weak they are' - might be a bit too long.
Remember this is just my opinion

[Hogwarts]

Okay, thank you! :D

[scarlynn]

This was very beautiful in a broken way. You captured emotion here that a lot of people are too afraid to paint themselves- it is a viscious and dark world they live in. Reading this made me feel something.

[Hogwarts]

Thank you :) That means a lot.