I feel like a cloud. I just float throughout life, going wherever the wind takes me. Faces pass by, but never long enough for me to remember them. Parts of me fade and disappear, and I am constantly changing. I find myself swept up in thunderstorms regularly, parts of the black clouds latching onto me. Gradually, I grow dark as well. I am waiting for the day when all of this inside me will burst. I know it has to happen, but I am scared. I have become this dark cloud. What will I be once the darkness is gone?
I could really relate to you when i read this, the structure of this along with the wordplay really impressed me and has brought me back into reviewing works on this website.
-Xavier Fox
You will always be you! Through rain or shine or sands or snow you is all that remains! Great question you chose as the topic for this poem! Dont we all wonder what will be of ourselves in any case?
You took a simple concept and turned it into something deep and magical. I love the symbolism in this, you packed a punch with just a few words! If I had one suggestion...and it's more of an opinion than anything, so don't think I'm telling you to change anything...I wonder what would happen if you spaced the words differently and almost created a visual of what you're talking about? Like, "I feel like a cloud. I just float throughout life, going wherever the wind takes me." would be
I feel like a cloud.
I just f t
l a
o
throughout life........
Anyway, that was a really bad example of what I was trying to say haha. Do what you do and keep writing, because your work is amazing.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
oh dear, when I submitted this the spacing on the words got all screwed up...so sorry!!!!
10 Years Ago
Haha, thank you so much. That is very encouraging.