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Running through fields of stone

Breathless

Legs of steel

Lungs on fire

Burning your name

Tattooed villain

Gripping mirrored perception

Dreaming

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

2016 Neal S,
"411",
This poem seems like the living and powerful inner life, of a mind dreaming. Pushing through to something desired or maybe not attainable but the effort is surely applied!
"Running through fields of stone..legs on fire.. burning your name."
Are you "the tattooed villain?" Within your dream.."Gripping mirrored perception..Dreaming."
I really enjoyed this writing.
Kathy.

[Chris]

For me the last three lines are either too much OR not enough. The first five fill the mind with a complete image... so adding the next three take away from what IS already there OR aren't enough for me to grow a further image or more completely focus on intent. Just me I guess.

[Neal S]

No, that's quite alright. Thank you for the feedback.

[Chris]

This one "felt" like you wanted more than a comment of understanding or even relating.

[Neal S]

Explain please...

[Chris]

The open space 'tween the lines are what editors prefer so they can place their thoughts and directions... the space WITHIN your thoughts left room for a focus other than your own. The last three lines "felt" more of a tentative questing toward a continuance rather than as an intended thought-flow. - least to me.

[Neal S]

Oh okay. I understand. I appreciate your knowledge on the subject because I pretty much have zero. I write what I feel as the words transfer from pen to paper. I'm not sure what it is until the finish, then at times i'm still not sure what it was. It just kind of happens.

[Chris]

Well said...you do what we all do - express as best we can at any given time.

[aLittlePain]

There is a distinct style to your writing 'free' is the word that sits at the forefront of my mind. There's also a sense of knowing and inner peace. Really cool.
This is really tight awesome word choices. Exciting poetry. R xo

[Neal S]

Poetry is Zen. Thanks