Can You Promise Me?

A piece about death, pain and loss.

With such desperation, I hold onto you

With every little piece of
Worn-out grief and bare humiliation 


I slowly lower my head in shame

A weak soul, too feeble to continue

 


My erratic uneven breaths

I start to forget how to inhale
My unfeeling body

I start to lose my support
My veins turn pale

I start to lose every feeling

My weak hands 

I start to lose my strength

My cold, chapped lips 

I start to lose my words

My hair gently falls like flower petals

I start to lose my memory 


My blurry eyes


You are no longer in my view
My unmended heart, now free of pain
I start to lose you

 

Is this the end of my nightmare?
A pity I would never be able to remember
Whether it’s your smile, eyes or your soft laughter,

Come hold my fragile hands, don’t shed a tear

When I bid farewell to this despair,
Can you promise me?

That whatever it may be,
you’d be one to bury me?

Author's Note

Please ignore any grammar problems/I hope you liked this piece :)

Reviews

[Kiwi.jh]

This is really amazing! I love your use of repetition as it adds more meaning to the piece. Your words and uses of figurative language really bring the feelings and image behind the poem to life. Your poem is also perfect in length. Most poems that are trying to convey a message end up being too short with not enough detail and others may be too long with too much backstory or examples. So I really think you poem brought the pain of loss and death to life in the best possible way. Also, I truly love the way you make a statement, and then after declare how you're losing that thing. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Good job! As well as congrats on winning the POETRY CHALLENGE... contest!
-Kiwi.jh

[Nisha M.]

Ahh, I appreciate this so much. Thank you for taking the time to write this. It truly makes my day! Thank you for reading my work, it is really, so kind of you to do so!

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful use of words and thoughts.
"When I bid farewell to this despair,
Can you promise me?
That whatever it may be,
you’d be one to bury me?"
Promises are needed and the above lines. Strong and needed. Thank you Nisha for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[송지ፏ..]

Nice! I liked it very much!

[Nisha M.]

Thank you so much for this kind comment, Ji-Suk!

[sette]

this is a very poignant piece of writing.

[Nisha M.]

Thank you so much for this comment, it truly made my day! :)

[sette]

you are very much welcome