Spiral notebook

I'm writing my story scrap by scrap patchwork style with poetic thread like textile art, but til then it's just bits and peices of this and that that I thought I forgot, or dropped on the floor,

I just want to have a place to write and be read.
They asked a lot of questions and I had to make decisions. Is this a story? Yes. Is this a Poem. Yes. Is this a memoir? Yes. But I think mostly Prose Poetry. I identify as a Prose poet. And spoken word is a real blast, too.
Do you know Milton was blind, and he had someone read back his writing so he could hear it. He write for the ear. I'm kinda like that. My writing depends heavily on sound. Asonance and alliteration, to be technical (but why would we do that?). Rythym and lyricism.
But the point is, I wanted something like my old spiral notebooks. Where it didn't matter what I wrote. Genre wasn't a thing. I could write about something I learned that day. Or some wild idea a had.Or partial lyrics to a song.I really like to bury them in my stream of consciousness.
Some book I read, or a mood. I could write in jazz. Smokey and blue, but I could write in ballet, too with beautiful lines and beautiful bodies. All supple like a willow.
Sometimes it's me, and sometimes it's her, but I do it on purpose. I don't have a split personality.
It's just how it feels in the moment.
I never liked to type. I always liked a fine point Bic and a spiral notebool.

Reviews

[JayG]

Why would you think people come here to read something that's you talking about you? You call this a story, but it's just...babbling.

Post something that entertains. There's an unspoken contract between writer and reader: They give of their time, and you supply something worthy of that.

[Andrew Golding]

Did you even read any of past the title and "A story by" line? She lays out her intent, does not apologize for her format, and offers tidbits of herself in a style of her choosing. Be rigid with yourself or with other strict structuralists, but leave this one alone. I don't go to a potluck and criticize every dish that doesn't suit my palate. Bring what you like, and take what you like, but be nice about it. Geez. Aunt Martha's potato salad may not be blue ribbon material, but you needn't shame her for it.

And I, for one, come to this site to read other people's inner thoughts as expressed in their writing. Call it what you like, but some of us might be entranced by the soft babbling of a brook. It's life, not some business deal with contracts and demands.

[JayG]

Golly. What an amazing coincidence. You posted your first work here on the same day as this guy did.

And amazingly, your writing is exactly as amateurish as his.

So, it's either, "Hey, let's try out Writer's Cafe today," Or more likely, a sock puppet account.

Either way, and on either account, it's just another troll.

[Andrew Golding]

You sir, win the cynic's prize for the day. I could only aspire to be a troll. It's too high energy of an occupation for me. I wonder what powers your battery, though? You were nice when I commented on your work, now everyone's a troll or a sock puppet? I appreciate your depth of criticism, attention to detail, etc, in some of your other reviews. I just felt you were off the mark on this one, being mean just to be mean. What is it about my writing that you find amateurish, by the way? Bring the laser pointer, please!

[JayG]

Sorry you're unhappy. But you did leave the comments window open, and neglected to use the skills of poetry that have been developed over the centuries.

And you may have noticed that there are no other comments. Were it working as you hope, there would be positive comments, too.

[Andrew Golding]

You really do think I'm a sock puppet account, don't you?

I agree it's a coincidence that I happened to join Writer's Cafe on the same day as Nomoontea. It's also a coincidence that I share a birthday with hundreds of celebrities, or that I happen to go to the same grocery store every other Monday, along with dozens of other shoppers with similar schedules. That is just a thing that happens. It's not a coordinated effort or some great conspiracy.

Perhaps the reason I found her work on that day, and read it, was that it came through my live feed at that particular moment. That's how I wound up finding your work, by the way.

And perhaps the reason I gave them a nice review (and you as well, by the way) was because my tastes and predilections moved me to do so. I liked what I read, so I said something nice. Is that really so hard to believe?

I said what I said about your review here because I felt it was heavy-handed and uncalled for, not helpful. This is also something I do on occasion, come to the defense of someone who appears to be getting picked on.

I'm not sure why you do what you do, and I guess it's not for me to understand. I can barely make sense of my own motivations most of the time.

At any rate, I'm not going to make a habit of following you around and picking at every unkind comment you make. That would be exhausting. But since we were both in the room at the same time, and you spoke up, well, here we are.

And I must ask, since you've criticized my poetry, are you referring to the work on this page or to my "other" account, as you imagine it to be? If it's the the latter, the one with my name on it, would you be so kind as to take any further comments and criticisms of me over there, and please leave this nice person out of it?

[JayG]

• I agree it's a coincidence that I happened to join Writer's Cafe on the same day as Nomoontea.read more• I agree it's a coincidence that I happened to join Writer's Cafe on the same day as Nomoontea.

And just happened to immediately trot right over here, where you proceeded to lecture me on how I must treat the OP, to please you. But of course, you never met them.

But that’s irrelevant. What is relevant is that it’s listed as a “story,” but it’s not, it’s the OP talking about the OP, as if this is a blogging site.

That aside, the writing is poorly done. Take a single line:

• They asked a lot of questions and I had to make decisions.

Seriously? An unknown “they” in an unknown place in time AND space, asked a “lot” of questions on unknown subjects for unknown reasons. And then, this unknown and ungendered person, of unknown age, situation, and background, had to make multiple decisions of an unknown kind, to accomplish unknown things.

Yet you apparently liked it? And somehow, know that someone whose name implies no gender is female? But it’s all coincidence, of course.

• And I must ask, since you've criticized my poetry,

Actually, I have to apologize for that. There’s no names by the picture, and I mistook the posts as coming from the OP.

[Andrew Golding]

I appreciate your candor, and while I still believe your suspicions to be unwarranted, I can see how they made sense to you.

I have my own trust issues and conspiratorial takes on things, both large and small. Some are hills I will die upon, and others I will concede readily, as they are only placeholders in a mind that lacks firm conviction or a cohesive, defensible world-view.

I gleaned a female gender from the narrative. Although it was not specifically stated, there were clues:

"I could write in jazz. Smokey and blue, but I could write in ballet, too with beautiful lines and beautiful bodies. All supple like a willow.
Sometimes it's me, and sometimes it's her, but I do it on purpose. I don't have a split personality."

You do have legitimate literary criticisms, and you possess a ton of technical expertise. I will not challenge you on this, nor on the correctness of your analytical critiques as you have laid them out. Very buttoned down and correct, they are.

Sometimes, though, other people have different ideas, and not everything has to conform. It's poetry not bombing coordinates. Poetry would seem to be the singular area of writing where one would be granted the most leniency. It's implied in the license.

And yes, I did like the patchwork style of this narrative. The rays of sunlight through cracked windows, diffuse and uncoordinated as they may seem to you, worked for me. Prose poetry. Individual style. I liked it, you didn't. That's OK. It was a vibe, and I was digging it.

Could it be better? I don't know. That kind of depends on your world view. Everything could be better, and everything is perfect as it is. Both can be true.

Who let me on here, anyway? I'll try to stay in my lane from now on...except when I can't. You understand, I'm sure.

Have a nice night!

[nomoontea]

Ok, ya'll. What's up here?
Wow. My writing must be pretty powerful to get folks stirred up.read moreOk, ya'll. What's up here?
Wow. My writing must be pretty powerful to get folks stirred up.
But seriously Andrew, am I misreading or have you now turned on me. Are you saying my stuff is poorly written? I thought you said you liked my style..
And J I would eat soup with a fork before I let one word of your critique bother me.
You obviously don't know anything about Post Modern Lit. Google it and see what it says about style.
Thanks to both of you for reading.

[Andrew Golding]

Never! I'm not turning on you by any means. I do like your style. I was acknowledging his technical skill within his area of expertise, which he has demonstrated on other occasions, not here. In reading Dostoyevsky, I wonder how much of that would survive J's intensely critical fine mesh strainer?

[nomoontea]

Nice. Thanks, Andrew.