Gators boots

Never has a single syllable said so much; a long vowl sound cut short. Filled with surprise, and a question. It was a question that would hang in the air indefinitely. Maybe he'd answer it, but maybe not. He had that advantage, especially since I was there.
It came out of her like a little puff of smoke that would disappear little by little in the chilled silence of the room. Because I was there.
Something about that one little syllable, caught off guard was set out there like a good soldier, because all others held back. It was clear.
When I said we had these lovely plans for the weekend, she swiveled her head to ward him, and said simply Oh?

Reviews

[ETERNITY]

So. What I got is this: The author and the alter ego are conversating.
It seems kind of backwards, so I read it a few times.
"Oh" seems to be the word.
However, I got so confused by JayGs comments and use of way too many commas, I moved on.
Since I like Bukowski who was successful in his poems without answers, I rated 100. (I won't come back to this, so, please, no explanations/instructions, JayG.)

[JayG]

Oh...you are so going to hate me...

You placed effect before cause. You spent 100 words talking about the protagonist's reaction to words the reader knows nothing about, that came from someone the reader knows nothing about, spoken for unknown reasons.

It's meaningful to you, who begin reading already knowing what's going on, where we are, and who we are.

Flash fiction is actually harder to write than long-form, because must pull much of the context from the reader's mind via implication, thus reducing the word count

Look at perhaps, the most famous one, Hemingway's:

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

Six simple words of an advertisement. But inherent to them is an entire story, and that's my point. Flash fiction is a full, though short, story.

And though I make no claim to be a great writer, here's my take on Flash Fiction:

https://www.writerscafe.org/writing/JayGreenstein/2099373/

Since you are serious about writing, try this:

For a time I had a critiquing business, and as part of it I offered my clients the option of writing a story, on a specific subject, one that served to force them to use all the senses and place themselves deeply within the head of their protagonist—a necessary skill for a writer—and to write from there. The rules, as presented were:

Critiquing bits and pieces of different stories, or even an entire manuscript, will only show that someone is doing the same things in many places. And, looking at a piece that has been worked over, while useful, doesn't show if there have been basic changes in the approach to writing. What I had in mind was to have you write a single piece, something short, and then bang away at it several times. Writing to a subject I choose places you in the position of having to create a story from scratch, on a subject over which you have no control, then present it—which every working writer must be able to do. Will you be able to use your new skills as part of your creative and editing process? This will show it. The plot selected will require complex and multiple character interaction and deep penetration into the protagonist's thought processes as you write (which is what you should already be doing, of course).

The challenge is this. In less than 1000 words, and one single setting: A character is sitting in a public eatery of some kind, with one friend, male or female, talking about anything you care to have them talk about. Eventually, the subject comes around to one of the two not having the nerve to ask a certain person, a stranger—someone they can see from where they are sitting, and of either gender—for a kiss. In the end, for whatever reason you care to advance, the protagonist is the one selected to do the deed. The person selected to be approached can be attractive, ugly, or anything between (the protagonist too), and can be sitting with someone or alone. Gender of the various characters is for you to define. The protagonist doesn't have to actually kiss the one selected, but does have to speak to that person for several paragraphs. And the conclusion of the scene can be anything you fancy, from either one of them walking away to them getting in a cab. I don't care, other then that it must be 1000 words or less for the initial cut.

To make it even harder: You need to make use of the ellipsis and the M dash—the long one you get when you type Option 0151 on the PC and Option/shift dash on the Mac—both to have a line of dialog interrupted and insert a parenthetical statement. I also want you to use every one of the five senses, where appropriate, not just once per, and in order.

The scene must be done in first person, and you must stay in one character's point of view the entire time, with no head-hopping and no words that come from an invisible narrator. I want to know how your character feels and how the friend(s) and the "victim" feel about what's going on—all through the protagonist's senses and deductions. I want to know about the important body language. I don't want to read, "I stood and walked to where the man was sitting." I want to know how your character feels as they get up, and what thoughts are swirling through their head during the move toward the "kissee's" place (or as that person approaches). If their mouth is dry tell me. If there's sweat running from armpit to hip or s/he has to pee so badly s/he has to take a detour on the way to talk to the one selected, I need to know that. S/he can be so excited by what's happening that s/he can hardly walk, or be so grossed out that s/he's ready to barf. And in fact, s/he doesn't have to go to that character. The other person could notice them talking and come there, curious, angry, cynical, or laughing. All of that is up to you and the way those particular characters interact. And there will be NO electric tingles when s/he looks/talks/touches him, thank you, it appears in damn near every romance novel submitted for the various contests and has been used to the point where I'm thinking of marketing a static electricity generator for men called Tingle-Her that is guaranteed to make any woman know you're the perfect man for her with just a touch. In fact, I’ve written a short story based on that.

Sound interesting?

It works like this. You write it and we kick it back and forth until you're sick of seeing it. The piece will progress from being called “The Kiss,” to “Kiss And Fear,” to, “Oh S**t, Not Again.” At that point I will give you the final (and secret for now) assignment.

[nomoontea]

Thanks Jay. I will take you up on your challenge. Let me think about it. I'm not techno Navy, though so I don't know what the option 0151 is so... This will be challenging because I really dislike pruning and rewriting etc. Not because I'm lazy, but because I think it looses some of its organic life.
I will try it.

[nomoontea]

So, my story's written. I just need to tweak it, and transpose it from my spiral notebook, here.
read moreSo, my story's written. I just need to tweak it, and transpose it from my spiral notebook, here.
Now, it's your turn for a challenge.
Read a bit of, "Song of Myself", by Walt Whitman. Read it even if you've read it before. You needn't read the whole poem as it's very long. "It contains multitudes". Just so you can get in the mood . Just so you can hear the sway and the lilt. The reaction of sounds. Half rhymes. Imagery. Heightened senses. Condensed language.
Write a Prose Poem about Walt Whitman if you met him on the Streets of Brooklynn, or hiking up a mountain slope. Or in a hospital where he's talking to the wounded from the civil war. Your choice. Just try to convey as much as you can about him, so that I want to invite him to my party, or dont want to. Whatever.

[nomoontea]

I don't know if you'll get my challenge or not. I don't know if it posted. Let me know.

[JayG]

Send me the link, or post it here.

[nomoontea]

So, I just learned the difference between free verse, and prose poetry because I googled Walt Whitman and then asked if his work could be considered prose poetry, and the answer was no
It's free verse. So here's your challenge.
After reading enough "Song of Myself", (again, if necessary) to get a good feel for his verse, how he develops rhythm through repetition, and the musicality of language without using traditional rhyme and meter. How he uses imagery and sensuality, half rhyme and repetition (did I mention repetition?) To convey a poetic quality without that damned iambic pentemeter or whatever other kind of pentimeter, and or lambs.
Get my point? You're breaking free.
So, you're going to tell me all about Walt Whitman, because you met him on a hiking trail, and you stopped and had a chat. I want to decide if I want to invite him to a party I'm having next weekend.
It can be as long or as short as you like, but I really want to get a feel for Grand daddy Walt Whitman. Go.

[JayG]

You approached me and asked for help.

I offered to do just that, because you seemed serious about improving.

But now it smells from socks in here.

[nomoontea]

I meant no harm, Jay G. I was having fun. I was enjoying the challenge you devised for me, and I thought you might enjoy a challenge, too.
No disrespect intended. I'll wash my socks.