River She

I'm scared of the calm river
with undercurrents deep inside
I prefer a playful light clear stream
that's pleasant to sight. Never mind
that its waters dramatically drop
down. Right. She breaks
my spine, and I try to survive, paralyzed. You -break
me heart - I rather die.

I say "leave me alone" almost
as often as I say "I love."
I beg and cry: I'm tearing inside
out. I was dragged
into the deepest current.
They say if you relax,
water will carry you up
on the surface. I struggle to survive
I'm scared but I dive
to see through deeper parts. Rough.
And I dramatically drown
wearing deep blue wavy gown
around - inside my throat.
I've chocked
myself to death
With questions unanswered
crushing me like rapid waves with their density and
nonsense. In your depth, I struggled to
possess.
Instead of breathing in,
feeling my lungs fill with your depth,
I've given up on you - I tightly held my breath,
And chocked myself to death.