Water Fae

In the world of Jymin the twelve clans of the Fae are in for a surprise. Their world is about to change and they must learn to work together. This is the story of the water clans.

Chapter 1

It was early one spring morning, when a messenger arrived with a message from the Grand Fae. The messenger was taken directly into the palace. A steward had the messenger sit in a small waiting room. The room was cool and well lit, three chairs surrounded a small table. Palace servants came in with a jug of grape wine and a platter of cheese with fresh baked bread. Shortly after Lord Allavar and Lady Alvina entered the room. The messenger had never left the safety of home before. In fact most of the messengers had been summoned had never left the Grand Library. The Grand library was apart of the prairie, Home to the Grand Fae. Like the all the Fae of the Geisha clan the pair had tan skin. The wore matching white mist linen clothes with green accents.

Lord Allavar and Lady Alvina greeted the messenger warmly and sat in the two chairs opposite of him. “Hello old friend! What news do you bring us from our Grand Fae?” Allavar asked. The messenger took a sip of wine and sighed. “I fear I bring bad news. The Grand Fae have sent out twelve messenger. One for each of the clans, with the same message. I am here to tell you that on the first day of fall there will be a terrible earth shake. The earth shake will last three days and when it is over the twelve clans will be separated.” As the messenger paused, Allavar and Alvina exchanged horrified glances. “How are we to protect our people and ourselves if this earth shake is strong enough to separate the land?” Alvina asked worriedly. The messenger smiled slightly, “That my lady is the second part of the message.

The Grand Fae have pleaded and bargained for your safety and Juna finally agreed, under one condition. Not only will the Fae of the twelve clans be separated from each other but also you will be separated from the Grand Fae. Until such time when the twelve clans will be called upon to work together and pass the trials of Juna. That is all the Grand Fae have been given on that matter.” He paused to eat a piece of cheese and drink some more wine then continued. “The warning is this Lord and Lady of Geisha. Stockpile as much food and water that you can during your harvest months. Before the first day of fall sacrifice some of your animals in the name of Juna and use their blood to mark an X above all doorways. This will protect your buildings and the people or animals inside. The shake will last three days, so everyone must stay inside or they will perish. On the fourth day you may leave your dwellings.” Allavar and Alvina sat silently for a moment. “You have given us much to discuss. Thank you for swiftly delivering this warning. You are welcome to stay here and rest for as long as you need before your return. Upon your return please let the Grand Fae know how eternally grateful we are to them for ensuring our safety. You will have to excuse my wife and I for we have much to plan for. Allavar clasped his hand to the forearm of the messengers and the messenger did the same in return. This gesture was often used to people of higher authority or in some cases with people you could trust. The three said their goodbyes and went their separate ways. The messenger ended staying two days and left very early on the third morning. Allavar and Alvina were quick to head to their chambers and come up with a plan of action.

“Oh Allavar this is horrible! We will have to inform our people and start preparations right away.” Alvina said with tears in her eyes. “ Yes, I know my love but we should have known this was coming. As the clans were created and wandered out into the world of Jymin to settle. The twelve clans grew and soon shared borders with each other. Small fights broke out over land, then the wars started. We declared war on our neighbors, on our brothers and sisters. There was much destruction and bloodshed all because we couldn't get along, it's our own fault!” Allavar said with some acidity in his voice. Alvina nodded, pushing her long blackish blue hair from her face, at words she knew to be true. “Well then I will summon our messengers and we will hold a mandatory meeting in the square tomorrow.” She said solemnly. Allavar hugged her and she could feel the warmth radiate from his tall muscular body.

Just as the sun was starting to set the next day, all the Fae of the Geisha clan gathered in the town square. The square was noisier then usual with everyone wondering why they had all been called on such short notice. Just as the crowd got restless the Lord and Lady stepped out onto their balcony. They approached the rail in unison and looked out at their people. Allavar raised his hand and waited until the crowd quieted. “My people we have called you all here today to give you urgent news from the Grand Fae. On the first day of fall there will be an earth shake. This earth shake will separate the clans and the land from each other. This is Junas' way of stop us from fighting. We must work together and prepare for the worst.” Allavars booming voice trailed off. Just as quickly the crowd erupted in noise. Some people were upset and yelling, while some sobbed uncontrollably. Someone in the crowd yelled “How are we to survive such a disaster?” The crowd agreed and looked to their leaders. Alvina held up her hand to silence the crowd “With this news we were given time. Spring has just started so we need to plant, gather, store, and hunt. We will work together to ensure we all survive. You need to have enough supplies for three days for each person. You will be unable to leave your home or you will perish. We must also sacrifice enough animals to mark an X on each building and home. Juna will protect us during this time. WE were given this gift of protection from our Grand Fae. They gave up the ability to be able to see any of us again till such time that we can learn to work together and we pass some trials. We will be taking twice daily inventory to ensure that everyone has what they need. Please lets not stress and worry. BY the grace of our Grand Fae and Juna we will be safe.” Alvina finished energetically.

Author's Note

comment on anything but please be kind this is my first attempt at writing.

Reviews

[Vic]

You spend the first paragraph just describing how the characters look, which can be a bit of a turn off for a reader. You might be able to work those details into the story without simply listing the characteristics through dialogue or actions between characters. For example: The messenger hurried up the great tree Nyx, the home of the Grand Fae. He was ushered into the waiting room (can describe the room) and waited anxiously to meet with the Grand Fae. He had heard magnificent tales of their might (enter a few characteristics of the grand fae) and looked forward to seeing for himself...

Also, you don't have to use words the male and female Grand Fae. When you say their names and use their pronouns, it will become clear.

You spend a lot of the story describing the characters and worldbuilding you've done. Those details can come through naturally with practice so it won't look like an explanation of what you are trying to do. You shouldn't have to explain so much to the reader.

I like how you showed Alvina's emotions by describing the tears in her eyes rather than telling me how she feels. It feels more authentic this way.

Not bad for a first attempt at writing. Just practice showing us the world rather than telling us your notes and I'm sure you can come up with some great stories.