Esteem Brawl

Why can’t I retract?
Take a step back
To hopscotch reality
To photographic sublimity

Why do I always let the stereotypes win?
To a point where winning is having the upper hand
A greater command than what my naïve state accumulates

Because all I see is the stress and distress of our society
How am I supposed to look beyond my experience and just have faith? 

Trust in what I don’t know but should believe
Because we’re in love and with that we can achieve
This defiance of popular belief
This nullification of what the reviled preach

How am I supposed to have trust
When everyone in my path wants to thrust, bust, and then look at me with disgust? 

How can I maintain a positive outlook, let alone an attitude
When everyone I’ve come across is peeved?
When the ones who claim love
Only come around when they want their genitals hugged

How am I supposed to believe that your intentions are different? 

That your adoration is constant?
I don’t have the answers to my own questions
Questioning every word

Every move
Every syllable that grazes your tongue

I apologize for my skepticism
I truly want to believe you
I have nothing but respect and adulation for you
I just can’t possibly believe everything you say
You need to understand that’s only because previously everything was a falsification 

Words on the tip of their tongues in order to get some

And I’m sorry
I don’t want to fall again
Don’t want to die inside again 

Don’t want to ask myself why again

But how can I have trust when everyone just wants to thrust and bust?

I will apologize continuously
I need to work on my conviction 

But I love you endlessly
So, don’t misconstrue my rants 

It’s only out of apprehension

I know I should just give it a chance
Before I allow myself to do that
I need to know you won’t leave me in a stance 

In which my fears became my reality
A stance where my cynicism overtakes
And becomes a definite actuality
I need to know this time I have some stability

Maybe I don’t need to rewind
I just need to find a constant measure of us and time
I don't want to abridge this feeling for unjust reason
But as of now it’s arduous to look past and just have faith 

But believe me
I want to deem you
Trust you
Because I put no one above you
I just need you to prove that you won’t delude me
Won’t seclude me with the lies I so naively held on to

I just don’t want to regret trusting you
Please, don’t make me feel as foolish as I once felt 

I can’t deal with that anew
Please don’t aggrieve me
Maybe I’ll start to trust that you won’t deceive me

Possibly at that point I won’t need to retract 

Take a step back
To hopscotch reality
To four square sublimity

I won’t let the now in which we live seem mediocre
Less commeasured to former days of tic tac toe and angels in the snow 

I’m not taking a step back
Not going to retract
For I think I can learn to trust
And finally have faith in us