Existence

You have more scars than veins

the only language you know is pain

the scars represent suffering

the bruises represent pleasure

together they are the perfect existence.

It's silent out here

the echoes of humanity can no longer be heard

the wind doesn't blow here anymore

you feel everything 

but there is nothing left to feel.

Author's Note

This is just a small preview of a poem that I wrote! Not sure if it is any good so I didn't want to write too much. I am new to this and this is my first time ever posting any of my poetry publicly, I have never shown or spoken to anyone about my writing so I am quite nervous to share! Feedback would be helpful and appreciated to get me started.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

There are a number of writers on this website who express this kind of psychic pain, but to me, your expression is done in a more artful way, rather than being mostly dreary & depressing. You use strong imagery to show instead of tell -- the first rule of good writing. The first line is astonishing becuz of it's originality & intensity -- brilliant word crafting. All in all, you have nothing to be afraid of, since your writing is naturally straightforward, understandable, & relatable. You only have one direction to go with your writing: UP! UP! UP! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[olympiuslu]

Wow that is such a compliment, thank you so much I am so happy that you thought so!

[Jstmds]

Even though the relation between these two stanzas is hard for me to grasp (given there is one) they both are individually masterful. Keep it up

[olympiuslu]

This is only a preview of the full poem, I am hoping to add the rest soon when I have looked over it which will hopefully give it the transition needed. Thank you though!

[Jstmds]

Great, can't wait to read it!

[Karen Redburn]

I am getting a victim of abuse in this one. Someone who's heart and spirit has been broken. Also, depression and that black void feeling it leaves us with. The poem is easy to read and understand loved it!

[olympiuslu]

Thank you Karen I really appreciate your comment! I loved hearing your interpretation and I am also happy that you loved it!

[...]

Personally I think it's great poem. Each line speaking about painful experience and dark parts of life. I don't if they are tight together or not. But I don't think so they have to cause all together you pour out your honesty with great enotions.

[olympiuslu]

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[G.W. Saitreux]

I'm a fan of these stanzas, I personally prefer no punctuation over less punctuation; such as your use of the period mark at the end of each stanza. I believe you are able to convey your meanings in a vivid manner and I hope to see more of this work.

[olympiuslu]

I will take that into consideration. Thank you for your feedback!

[emipoemi]

By preview, I hope you mean there's more to this than what you've written, because the stanzas are powerful respectively (beyond words), each one similar but at the same time seemingly painting different pictures and telling different stories - there's no real transition that ties them together. But the stanzas themselves are -wow - simply wow! They're thought-provoking and profound, and seriously not bad at all for a first-timer. Well done!

[olympiuslu]

Yes there is more to this poem that I have not yet posted and am still trying to improve. Hopefully when completed it will provide the transition that is needed to make it a better piece of writing. Thank you so much for your feedback though, I am so happy to hear that you liked it!