Little Elves

Deepest in the late of night
I find myself at war
with the nimble fingered little elves
who crawl beneath the door.
They sneak across the carpet floor and up the covered bed.
Every crease a mountain path
which leads them to my head.
Over my lips and on my nose
why they do it,
nobody knows.
They grab upon my lidded eyes
and pull, pull, pull.
Luckily my lashes slash like
miniature swords,
while their hands are rather full.
Sometimes i win, and then all night
my conciousness i keep.
Other nights the elves prevail
and off i go to sleep.

Reviews

[Moonie]

Really good imagery I must say...I take these elves to be a metaphor for nightmares that plague the protagonist's dreams...since the rhyme is quite unconventional, I recommend you to put "and up the covered bed" in a line of its own. Also, maybe you can try "duvet bed" instead of "covered bed", and how about "no one knows" instead of nobody.
All in all, it was fun to read. :)))

[Chase]

Thank you very much for the review!!:) The elves are just a metaphor for being sleepy since they are pulling on your eyelids to get them closed and you to sleep! You are correct about making that one line into two.. im not sure why i didn't do that before! Covered fits the cadence better than duvet but i do appreciate the remarks! And nobody must remain the same for the syllable count but again, thank you:) If you like this one (shel Silverstein quality poems) then i suggest you read "i guess i have no hands today" and "beaded beauty" as well, when you have the time:) thanks for the review Little Fairy:)

[Coral Fang]

this was fun to read :) I could almost see it all playing out and them jumping all over you.

[Chase]

Im glad you enjoyed it:)

[Coral Fang]

very much so!

[Elizabeth]

I typically don't care for rhyme because it can sound forced but I have to make an exeption here. Well done.

[Chase]

I feel that rhyme is appropriate if you first have managed to write well without it. Most new writers start with rhyme and never leave it; that makes it forced. Once you have lived without it you can better incorporate it into your pieces, losing that illusion of forced quality that you are talking about. That's not to say that all of my rhyming poetry works well, but everything is a work in progress XD Thank you for the review.

[Audrey Murray]

what great imagination I had so much fun reading this poem

[Chase]

Thank you again! And thank you for taking the time to review some of my work! You read two of my more whimsical poems. They generally end up being my more clever pieces and also my favorite. Im glad you enjoyed it!