a normal day...almost.[ruff draff]

i've never had the usual sort of problems people deal with. correction. i don't have what people think are problems to b***h about.
-i sat here. alone. looking out a window where a breeze took control of the clouds directions. i didn't feel right.-
my issues were spiritual conflicts. inner self. connections with the world. myself. how i saw things. what i felt were right.
-i heard birds chirping. i blared my music up higher and read a book. the words felt more powerful when the outside world had no effect on me.-
everything in my brain was cluttered. in my opinion felt more cluttered than the rest of the worlds clutter. simple things were strenuous mentally for me.
-pages werent blank. but they ended up so anyways. i toss aside the book. i step outside and let the breeze take me away with the clouds.-
i felt like i needed answers. i didn't want desires for answers. i killed my desire for structured beliefs. heading that way in life too.
-my music still blared. the street felt non existent thru my shoes. i could feel the heat tho. and the humidity in the wind. i felt like i was dying.-
everything else in life was starting to become unimportant. anything i didn't feel connected too felt like an illusion. my connections were running thin.
-i saw cars burst by. saw people walking the road. strangers in a single shell roaming to me what felt aimlessly. i wondered who they were. their stories they could tell.-
i felt more apathetic. my road felt paved but now was turning to gravel and dirt. i shifted in my thoughts more than what i think people normally did. i would never really know.
-minus the heat and wet air i think today is beautiful. it felt that way in the way a subtle breeze does. it wasn't like hitting a wall. life was just swirling around me and i loved it more for being unknown to me.-
i was more alone than i ever was. like sitting on a bus full of close friends slowly getting off their stops going their way. i felt like i existed alone. riding out this line.
-the wind carried me as far as it would. i stepped down and carried myself back to my house. my eyes adjusted to this shell of a home. it never felt sweet. just relaxing.-
i didn't care. my joys were coming in new colors i think. i am a child. young in thought. always will be. ill learn and destroy knowledge. i didn't have problems. i was lost.
being lost is fine. frustrating. but fine. i'm evolving. im a child. just searching for a smile.