My Garden My Soul

A grievance poem

I go out on my morning walk,
To find my tree bear no fruit.
I go out on my morning walk,
They've torn up all the roots.

I go out on my morning walk,
My garden now a dump.
I go out on my morning walk,
My tree is now a stump.

I go out on my morning walk,
This time to a graveyard.
I go out on my morning walk,
My soul forever scarred.

That tree that never bore no fruit,
That tree that has all torn up roots,
That tree that lives in my garden dump,
That tree that is now a stump,
That tree that once was my soul,
Is now a lump of burning coal.

I lye here in the graveyard,
Grieving over what I've lost.
My soul has left my body, still scarred,
My heart now covered in frost.

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

There is a lot of pain in this piece. There is also a lot of poetic skill. I was especially struck by this stanza:

That tree that never bore no fruit,
That tree that has all torn up roots,
That tree that lives in my garden dump,
That tree that is now a stump,
That tree that once was my soul,
Is now a lump of burning coal.

That is wonderful poetry.

[Rhianne Ney]

If "lye" is intentional, then I won't mind it any more, anyways this is a great piece with it repetition. It didn't harm what you wanted to express and say this is something really worth reading.

Good description also and mindful to its audience.

~Keep writing~

Rhianne Ney

[Carnation]

Thanks for the feedback

[Rhianne Ney]

You're welcome and you deserve it

[Dhaye]

Too emotional. I can feel the cross you are carrying. I love the way you play with words here.
You have a bright future as a writer. At your young age, you have done this awesome piece. Good job!

[Carnation]

Thanks for the kind words. I'm not that good. I'm just doing what I like to do.

[Dhaye]

Don't say you're not that good. I'm sorry if I am too honest in my review in your other poem. This one is really great. You hit a good strike. I love this one with wonderful rhyming.
Just keep writing and do what makes you happy.

[17thWhitePrince]

WoW !!!
Wonderfully written =D

"I lye here in the graveyard,
Grieving over what I've lost.
My soul has left my body, still scarred,
My heart now covered in frost."

AmAzInG !!!

[Carnation]

Thanks for the kind feedback

[Robert James Parfett]

A lot of emotion and well written.

[asdarkeyesclose]

'That tree that never bore no fruit,
That tree that has all torn up roots,'

brilliant! i loved the imagination behind this and the third stanza particularly where you pull all the ideas together, great last line to. this is poetry with layers that add up to more than the parts and i truly loved what you did with this, very original indeed. fantastic.

[Carnation]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! I hope you enjoy reading my things as I do for yours!

[Zahra]

nice rhyming scheme, nice flow. A beautiful piece.

[Carnation]

Thanks for the support!

[Sharon]

Nice poem. It's very expressive.

[Carnation]

Thanks, glad you liked it.

[Sharon]

Your welcome ;)

[Death Girl]

I like this. Good write