Not Here

As I walk into the room,
My eyes automatically search for you.
You're not here again today,
The smile on my face fades away.

I walk to the table and take my place,
Your chair should be pulled out but there it stays.
I sit in silence; I wish you were here,
Maybe my fears would then disappear.

Too scared to fall, too weak to hold back,
I'm too afraid to dive in like that.
Don't want to end with a broken heart,
So this time I won't even start.

Then I think about all the times we talk,
The little things that leave a mark.
They make me smile when I remember them,
But my fears come creeping back again.

So I don't tell a soul about this ordeal,
I can't even say that this is real.
I can't have my life spreading about,
I've had my fair share of that, no doubt.

If I fall, I'll crash and burn,
When will I ever learn?
I'll deny these thoughts for another day,
And keep the signs of this hidden away.