hurt

a poem about the usual self loathing and emptyness

under azure pastel skyline

however

brushed

their you floated as

"Aurora"

oh my heart

 

i;m hunched sedentary in this dell

bandying fairies to view their rainbow streamers

snickering and wheezing

like some lunatic from Bedlam

bearing gifts of stone

 

dripping rotten saliva the color of yellow glass

Reviews

[TamiViolet]

This is an unusual piece love, and very creative. Excellent twist between the two stanzas, and wording is remarkable.

bandying fairies to view their rainbow streamers

I feel the sarcasm in these lines.

The final line leaves the reader with a lingering image and enhances the entire feel of the read.

I'm surprised Dani found this humourous? lol.
xxx

[Nicholas Hallows]

It may be a poem about the 'usual self loathing' but it is definitely not a usual poem. Happily you stayed away from all the clich�s usually found in these kind of poems.

The picture of a hunched lunatic, snickering and wheezing is great and reference to Bedlam is appreciated and conveys your image perfectly.

There is a strong contrast between the first and second stanza too.

Nice!

[Dani California]

Please forgive me Periac, for I found humor in this. Certainly, in no way is self loathing and emptiness a laughing matter. However, the way you've so brilliantly laid it out here -- the imagery was - well, a tad funny.

snickering and wheezing
like some lunatic from Bedlam
bearing gifts of stone


I do have a bit of a twisted sense of humor, and I thought of threatened lumps of coal in my christmas stocking for my naughtiness, being delivered by an insane Santa. lol Who knows.

You are a word wizard. I love your work!

[Seriana]

Ahhhhh, Periac. I think I love you. :) Seriously though, you speak volumes here. And sometimes I wonder if you are not in my head. This is exactly the type of mind-rant I'd spew over some emotion. All pretties, then nasties. It's the way the head works. I love your twisted, colorful images. They are so full of life. Thank you for sharing your wonderful words.

[Adela Muresan]

Ummm...well I wouldn't have chosen a saliva image :)) to end a poem.
Anywayz it's got a good flow and it's more unusual ( in a 90% good way ) than most poems on the cafe.

A.M.