Almost

Thoughts from today...

I almost called you today.

 

I almost dialed your number, almost waited for you to answer.

 

I almost called you and told you that I loved you, that I still loved you.

 

I almost called to ask about your day, your week, your months since we last talked.

 

I almost lost it at the sound of your voice.

 

I almost couldn't handle the sweet lightness of it, the tenderness of a woman I loved in it.

 

I almost lost myself to emotion because of the thought of you.

 

But.....

 

As I stared at my phone I heard the negatives.

 

I almost lost myself to how happy you sounded without me.

 

I almost became upset to your cold, abrupt tone, your choice of biting words

 

I almost lost myself to your anger and bitterness toward me.

 

And I almost died at the thought of you not answering.

 

Today....

 

It is a struggle of degrees...of steps.

 

It is a struggle of the wants and desires to reach out to you again.

 

It is a day of almosts.

 

It is almost over and I have not called.

 

I have not dialed your number, listened to the tone, allowed anticipation to fill my heart.

 

I have worked; silently, efficiently.

 

My heart screams but my head continues on.

 

Almost over, almost done, almost there....it says reassuringly to a part of myself that won't be quiet.

 

I am almost over it, almost past it all. Just a little longer, keep your head up.

 

In this day of almosts...I am almost recovered.

Author's Note

Just some thoughts on my day at the moment. No real form or rhytmic pattern, just expressive. Tell me what you think!

Reviews

[Laconic Meraki]

Vices. Temperary fixes. One more dance with an addiction... People can be like drugs.

[Laconic Meraki]

Oh my Gosh. Wow. Amazing imagery.
I could envision it.
" im still one # away"
It reminded me of that country song.

This is what I'm currently going through with trying to let go of a toxic relationship...

[Bacchus]

almost like an alcoholic calling
a once lover... remembering...